Mitchell: Do you know how insulting this is? I was- [tool whirs] I was an intern at the Songbird Summer Playhouse. Do you think that the town of Brigadoon just magically appeared? Well, in the play, it did. But the set the set was built with these two hands.
Cameron: Mitchell. Mitchell-
Mitchell: The von Trapp mansion. Evita's balcony.

Mitchell: I'm going on a walk. Oh, yeah, I can still do that by myself. Watch. Oh, I hope I don't get hurt. Oh, God.
Who put that doorjamb there? I didn't see it. I ran right into it. Oh, no, I tripped. Walking is so hard.
Cameron: That one didn't look like it was on purpose.
Mitchell: It was!

Phil: Tonight, Claire Dunphy, we are turning back the clock to a simpler time when families piled into their station wagons picked up some burgers and went on a picnic up to Granger Point.
Claire: Honey, we don't have to do this.
Alex: Listen to her.
Phil: No. It's gonna be great. I talked to, uh... France, ants, picnic Nick and he's not picking up the car till tomorrow. We have one more night of family fun.
Luke: What's gonna be fun about it?
Alex: Listen to him.
Phil: Only everything.
Haley: Only nothing.

Gloria: Manny, I think we should talk about this Kelly girl.
Manny: Isn't she great? I think she really likes me.
Gloria: Why wouldn't she like you, baby? Of course. Go. Have fun.
Manny: I'm gonna wear my burgundy dinner jacket.
Gloria: Of course you are.

Cameron: Oh, my gosh. It's finished.
Jay: What the hell? Mitchell did that?
Mitchell: Yes. Yes. Mitchell did it. Who's the bitch now, bitches?
Cameron: Honey, it looks beautiful.
Mitchell: Well, yeah because when you two were inside enjoying a little tea party I was out here out here getting stuff done.
Cameron: I'm sorry. We shouldn't have underestimated you.
Jay: You know he's stuck in there, right?
Cameron: Oh, yeah.

Jay: Uh, hey, kid, Cam and I are gonna crack a couple cold ones. You wanna join us?
Mitchell: [opening a different window] No, no, you know what? I'm just gonna stay here and get some stuff done. But you two ladies enjoy your light beers.
Jay: How do you know we're having light beers?
Cameron: We only have light beers.

Jay: You sure we shouldn't get him out of there?
Cameron: No, he would never forgive us. He's a very proud man, your son.
Mitchell: Bird! Bird! Bird! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Jay: Yeah, I'm pretty proud myself right now.
Mitchell: Oh, my God!

Claire: Luke, honey, slow down. No one's gonna take your food away.

Claire: Okay, everybody get out of the car!
Alex: Our doors don't open!
Phil: We got ya. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
Claire: Get out. Get out.
Phil: Slow is smooth and smooth is fast, Dunphys. Nice and easy. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
Claire: Don't look at him! He's just gonna make you feel sick.

Phil: I'm just- I'm just being realistic, but we're gonna need to lower the asking price.