Cameron: Hey, counselor. What do I have to do to get you to drop that suit?
Mitchell: Cam, what are you doing here?
Cameron: Surprising my "hugsband"!
Mitchell: I'm hearing that term for the first time.

Phil: Your mom just feels like it's unlike you to walk away from something.
Alex: At least I could walk away. My tent-mate nail-gunned her foot to the floor. She was just walking around in a circle screaming until someone found her!

Mitchell: Oh, my God! What am I looking at here?
Cameron: Well, I guess I'm crazy, because I've taken pictures of you sleeping every night since we got married because you're the man of my dreams.
Mitchell: Okay, super quick, if I was the man of your dreams, wouldn't you have to be the one sleeping?
Cameron: Don't pull that thread, Mitchell.
Mitchell: Speaking of which, what is this?
Cameron: Don't pull that thread, Mitchell.
[Mitchell pulls it and an array of pink balloons fall down]

Mitchell: This song this song was playing the night I asked you to move in.
Cameron: At that Applebee's.
Mitchell: I believe you owe me a dance.
Cameron: Yes.
Lily: Are we almost done with fairy time?
Mitchell: Lily, of all-
Cameron: Lily, that's offensive.
Lily: I just want to get out of this costume.

Alex: My ride's on its way. Don't worry, I'll wait outside on the curb.
Claire: Honey, nobody wants you to go.
Phil: Yeah, even if you are bad luck, you're our bad luck.

Jay: What's going on?
Mitchell: It seems pretty obvious.
Manny: I had to throw the party a week early to really surprise her.
Claire: Should we be concerned about her? That's kind of similar to the way mom left.
Jay: Gloria and I got in this whole thing about how we dress. Long story, I think she might need a little more time bef-
Gloria: [entering] Hola! I had this outfit underneath. Did you really think that I was gonna walk into a bar looking like that? Gracias!
Jay: All these years, you're telling me you can get ready that fast?

Haley: [aside to camera] My fashion blog is blowing up. I started doing these live video chats, and now I have over 50,000 subscribers! Oh, plus, my hair has never looked better. I'm not a religious person but I just woke up.

Phil: Is he okay?
Claire: He's Mitchell. Look, I didn't even want to talk about it. We've had such a great thing going on here. I don't want to let that kind of negativity in the house. Alex!
Phil: Hey.
Claire: We didn't think you were coming back until next week.
Alex: I got a ride home early. This has been the worst summer ever!
Luke: [o.s.] Careful, you idiot!
Haley: [o.s.] You're an idiot!
Claire: Huh.

Luke: [British accent] More syrup for milady?
Haley: Why, thank you, kind sir.
Phil: Claire, do we still have any of those cookies that you and Luke baked?
Claire: Are we the kind of family that has cookies for breakfast? Yes, we are!

All: [on video chat] Manny.
Gloria: Manny! Come! Talk to your cousins!
Manny: Hola! [puts iPad in freezer]
Gloria: Manny, why you freeze the Colombians?
Manny: If I talk to one of them, I have to talk to 50 of them.
Gloria: Just do it as a birthday gift.
Manny: You always do this. Your birthday's not till next week.
Gloria: Not mine. It's aunt Rosario's eighty-second birthday today. That's why all the goats are wearing the party hats. Look!
All: [on video chat] Manny!
Manny: Hi, everyone.