Mitchell: So, I-I know that they're... they're heroes and all, but a-are they sweeping up or is that on us?

Cameron: Okay, you know what? We're gonna have to totally rebuild, down to the studs. I'm distraught.
Mitchell: Are ya?
[aside to camera:]
Mitchell: I'm not saying Cam definitely set the fire. It could have been anyone who's spent years searching for a way to justify the remodel of our kitchen.

Cameron: Are you actually accusing me of starting this fire just so we could rebuild our hideous kitchen?
Mitchell: Uh, accusing, no. but when you say things like "hideous kitchen," it does make me wonder.
Fireman: This could be the cause. Most kitchen fires start in the oven.
Cameron: Oh, my God, did... did I leave the oven on?
Mitchell: Well, it appears we found our smoking "bun."

Claire: Oh, she's been here all summer, so this could be pretty rough. Remember last time there was a rat in her room.
Phil: She's a scientist. She said it was part of a study.
Claire: Honey, it was in a cereal box.

Jay: Oh, geez. We dropped you off at college two hours ago. My God, even Haley lasted longer.
Manny: I needed my white noise machine.
Gloria: Or did you need your brown noise machine?
Manny: No, and I think I'm offended for you.

Jay: What's with the padlock?
Joe: Let me ask you something: How would you like to have Christmas every day?

Cameron: Okay, I've put everything out here from the kitchen that we're gonna need. You know what? This is gonna be fun. It's like camping!
Mitchell: Which is it, fun or like camping?
Lily: I'm gonna take a shower.
Cameron: Eh-eh-eh! Can't take a shower without doing a load of dishes. And remember: scratchy side pot, soft side you, okay?
Mitchell: Cam, this is crazy. What... What if I wanted to make a cup of tea?
Cameron: Couldn't be simpler. Grab a tea kettle from the credenza, warm it up on the hot plate with the water that you've used from the hose that I snaked in through the window, browse the tea on the mantel, and then grab our tea cup... Where... Oh! Lily, do our tea cup first!

Mitchell: [aside to camera] There's a small chance I definitely started the fire.

Cameron: It's a vision board for my dream kitchen I've been hiding behind your workout clothes.
Mitchell: Ah.
Cameron: I-I- I think I accidentally, on purpose, subconsciously, willfully, burned our kitchen down.
Mitchell: Okay. I-I don't... I don't know about that.
Cameron: Um... No. Let's face it. Like Drew Barrymore, I'm an adorable fire starter.

Manny: Don't know about you, but I am ready to live on my own. Yep, it was a big responsibility taking care of my parents, but I left a good man on the job.