Haley: I could get used to this.
Rhonda: I have, which is why I need to snag another meal ticket before my late husband's fracking money runs out.
Haley: [chuckling] It's okay. You can swear in front of me.

Gloria: Joe? What are you making?
Jay: According to this, an ancient beverage enjoyed by sultans and scoundrels.
Gloria: "Bring in the paper, make coffee, pick up Jay's dirty socks." Why are you doing all this?
Joe: Manny says it's my job now.
Gloria: Manny was doing all these things? And I was so happy that you were picking up after yourself.
Jay: I haven't picked up socks since the '70s. Huh, all this time, we're thinking we're coddling Manny, and Manny was coddling us.

Mitchell: Um, okay. I have a theory, uh, that lets us both off the hook.
Cameron: I'm inclined to be on board.
Mitchell: Um, we both can agree that your sister can be a bit of a bully.
Cameron: Yes.
Mitchell: I'm sure growing up, the only way to get your way was to be manipulative.
Cameron: It might also be said you grew up oppressed by one of history's great monsters... your sister, Claire.

Claire: [on the phone] Hey, Mitchell. Claire. Saturday morning. Look, I need you to buy Mom a birthday present and say it's from the both of us. Okay, thanks. Bye-bye. No, I know it's not a voicemail. I just don't want to hear you whine about it.

Claire: No, no, no, those are for Alex. I'm taking them up to her dorm today. You know how stressed she gets. She can always use a little comfort from her loving mom.
Luke: Why does Alex get a care package and not me?
Claire: You live in a care package.

Luke: Haley, put your face on and get up here! We're gonna be late for work!
[aside to camera:]
Haley: I'm saving up to get my own apartment, so I've been working at the club with Luke.
Luke: For Luke. Kid's my best cart girl.
Haley: I deliver drinks to golfers. Tips are good, but, uh... it took me a couple days to learn the finer points of the game.

Claire: Well, the basket's perfect for loading up the toiletries. Remember last time we went up there? She was washing her hair with the powdered soap from the ladies room.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: Alex is an intelligent, accomplished...
Phil: You can just say it.
Claire: Scatterbrain.
Phil: Sometimes, she studies so hard she forgets about the little things.

Gloria: Where do you want your espresso machine?
Manny: On my desk is fine. And don't worry, Trevor. We'll pay for the beans with the money from our swear jar.

Manny: Well, my friend, you have just witnessed the rare perfect goodbye. History records but few flawless farewells: Oscar Wilde's deathbed bon mot, Rhett Butler not giving a... Damn it. I left my white noise machine at home. Now I have to go back there, and risk ruining our perfect goodbye. But you're gonna thank me, Trevor. [Trevor starts packing his things back up] There's something soothing about constant background noise that... Trev?

Luke: Good morning, Ms. Rappaport.
Rhonda: Oh, hello... Duke, is it?
Luke: Yes. Haley, shouldn't you be getting back to your cart?
Haley: Rhonda asked me to sit down.
Luke: There's a rule against staff fraternizing with members, and you wouldn't want to make trouble for whoever stuck their neck out to get you this job.
Rhonda: Oh, I recommend sticking your neck out. It's the only nonsurgical way to prevent champagne chin. Speaking of which, um...
Haley: Oh, here. Let me get...
Rhonda: Oh, no, no, no, You sit. He's up.
Haley: You can top me off, too, Duke.