Pam: Y'all need to move that 'fridgerator in your hall. It is straight under little Cal's crib, and the noise is keeping him up, which is weird because he was conceived in a slaughterhouse.

Pam: They figure out what started that fire?
Mitchell: Yeah, they think it was the oven.
Pam: Well, that's dumb. I turned the oven off 'fore we went on our walk.
Mitchell: You did?
Pam: Yeah, 'cause I'm the only responsible person around here. [thudding, Cal crying] Aw, dang it! Cal rolled off the sofa again!

Pam: You're low on frozen mangoes. Put it on your list. Oh, and get me a box of lady sticks.
Cameron: What... What... What are you making?
Pam: I'm making one of your fruit smoothies.
Mitchell: Oh, Pam...
Pam: All right, I'm making one of your homosexual smoothies.