‘The Long Goodbye’
Season 9, Episode 2 - Aired October 4, 2017
Phil and Claire are surprised that Alex has everything together when they pay her a visit in her dorm room. Manny is determined to avoid a tearful goodbye when Jay and Gloria drop him off at college. Mitchell gets the chance to remodel the kitchen after Cameron gets blamed for burning it down. Meanwhile, Haley befriends an older version of herself when Luke gets her a job at the country club.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Come on. Gloria, you messed up the TV, and now I can't watch my program!
Gloria: Remember how you told me to say something when you sound old?
Jay: Ah, never mind. I fixed it.
Gloria: Aww. Look at those beautiful flowers. Where did they come from?
Jay: Not a clue.
Gloria: Aww, you.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Whoa. How cool.
Claire: Just stay focused, Phil.
Phil: Honey, honey. No matter how realistic these robots get, I'm always going to love you.
Claire: Thank you.
Quote from Alex
Alex: Okay, fine. if you really must know, I've been kind of feeling like an outsider here. It's come to my attention that I may be a bit of a show-off.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: There's a proof in my advanced mathematical chaos class. It's been on the board all year. No one could solve it. Until one night in bed, it just came to me. And of course I had to put on my best dress for my big moment.
[flashback:]
Alex: Class dismissed. [drops marker:]
[back:]
Alex: I just never want to see that stupid dress again.
Quote from Phil
Claire: Honey, people are always gonna be intimidated by your intellect. Maybe it's time you showed them some of your vulnerability.
Alex: How have they not seen it? I've been an awkward nerd my whole life.
Claire: Everywhere but here.
Phil: Sweetheart, here you're Haley.
Quote from Haley
Haley: It's locked.
Rhonda: Mr. Voorhees was a little too excited to hear that the cart girl was tagging along. I'm sorry, but I can't risk being upstaged by a hot-to-trot thirty-year-old.
Haley: [chuckles] Kind of rounded up there. Um... so, I'm just out as your assistant, like that?
Rhonda: It's harder on me than it looks. I feel really... [uses her fingers to pull a frown]
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: I let you pick things.
Mitchell: Really? Name one thing in this room that was my idea.
Cameron: Oh, just one... One thing?
Mitchell: One thing. Mm-hmm.
Cameron: Okay, well, fine. Oh, how... How about the blanket? Yeah, because you said it reminded you of the blanket you used to lay on at your grandparents' house and eat your caramel corn when you watched Mary Lou Retton vault her way into America's heart.
Mitchell: What are you talking about? Are... Are you seriously trying to incept a memory in my mind to make me believe that I chose that blanket?
Cameron: Oh, kind of like you made me think I burned down our kitchen?
Quote from Jay
Manny: Jay?
Jay: Hey. [chuckles] I found this under your bed. I figured you might be able to use it. I mean, you don't want to be the only kid in art school without a beret.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Look, if I didn't say it... it's a big deal, you going here. Good job.
Manny: Well, if I didn't say it, I-I couldn't have done it without you. [clears throat]
Jay: What are we doing? We can hug. We're family.
Manny: Yeah.
Jay: [voice breaking] We are, you know. We're family.
Manny: [voice breaking] I'll try to make you proud.
Gloria: [voice breaking] You already have.
Joe: Let me in here!
Gloria: Thank you for taking good care of us.
Manny: Well, that's what you do for the people you love.
Jay: They love you, too! [all sob]
Quote from Phil
Phil: Damn it!
Claire: There's no shame in admitting defeat.
Phil: You don't understand.
Claire: He's getting tired.
Phil: He's not tired. That's the point. He's a machine. Just once, would you believe in me?! As my wife, aren't you supposed to be my... Rock! Damn it! What does every mother tell her kid not to run with? Paper! Damn it!
Joe: My hand's getting tired.
Phil: Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry, buddy. Why didn't you say so? Fist bump. Ha! Loser!
Claire: No.
Phil: And still champion!