Claire: Is it really too much to ask that you consult me before you make such a big decision?
Phil: Claire, when you went back to work, you asked me to take the reins. So I think you need to trust me now. Do you really think I'd put Luke in a dangerous situation? He's my favorite, which I did not just say.
Claire: If anything happens to him-
Phil: It won't. If you haven't noticed, I'm pretty good at this, as hard as it is for you to pay me a compliment.
Claire: Where is that coming from?
Phil: Well, do you like this suit? I wouldn't know because all you said was, "It's tight," and not in a cool black way.

Claire: Luke probably would have been fine, and I am having a hard time letting go. And if there's one person in the world I trust, it is you.
Phil: And?
Claire: And you look hot in that suit. When we get home later...
Phil: Okay, you're actually gonna need to stop. This suit can't get any tighter.

Phil: Hey, we're back.
Jay: Nobody goes anywhere. Everybody hold hands, and we go right to the table. Fiona?
Fiona: Actually, we just gave away your table. I'm sorry, but I did warn you about this.
Gloria: Listen to me, Fiorina. This man has been waiting to eat in this restaurant for months! We were all selfish, and we made him late. And maybe I got a little crazy, but I'm gonna think about that later. But he has done nothing wrong! So we're not gonna leave this place until he eats that drunk cow that he can't shut up his mouth about! [Fiona stares Gloria down] Why you haven't moved?

Phil: [aside to camera] Listen, I'm a realtor, and I work a lot with families, so normally, I dial the sexy back to five, but Claire's been working very hard lately. So tonight... Byoooooop!

Phil: Stick around if you want to see your mom's tongue fall out of her mouth.
Haley: Not unless you want to see my lunch fall out of mine.

Claire: Why aren't you going with them?
Phil: He wanted to stay home. I said it was okay.
Claire: By himself?
Phil: It's fine. If he's old enough to watch "The Walking Dead" with me-
Claire: He's not.
Phil: Then he's old enough to stay home alone.
Claire: He's not.
Phil: Claire, he's not a little boy anymore.
Luke: [falls off chair] I'm fine.
Phil: See how deep his voice is? [to Luke] Are you okay?!

Mitchell: [phone beeps] Oh, this is Haley. "Be there in 5. Alex took ducking forever."

Cameron: Okay, quick. Which one do you like?
Mitchell: Uh, that one.
Cameron: Really? I think you picked too quick.
Mitchell: No, I didn't. I really like that one.
Cameron: I really like this one.
Mitchell: Well, then, why did you ducking ask me?

Gloria: Hi! Everybody's running like crazy tonight. I took San Vicente thinking that I was gonna save some time, but then they're working on the sewer. So I went around Montana, down Moreno. Ay, but then there's that dip in the road. I always forget about that dip in the road. I hit it so hard that I spilled the coffee all over the car. Did I tell you who I had coffee with?
Jay: [breathes deeply]

Mitchell: Cam, come on, let's go.
Cameron: [o.s.] Two seconds.
Mitchell: I thought that being with a man meant that I wouldn't have to wait around like this. I feel cheated. I do.