‘The Late Show’
Season 5, Episode 5 - Aired October 16, 2013
Jay managed to get the family reservations at a hot new restaurant, if they could only get there. Gloria is taking forever to get dressed, Claire and Phil bicker over letting Luke stay home alone, and Mitchell and Cameron having a clothing clash.
Quote from Haley
Gloria: Poor Haley. What is she going to do with all those boys?
[cut to Haley singing, with Luke and Manny providing backing vocals:]
Haley: I'll be with him I know you will On that midnight train to Georgia Leaving on the midnight train to Georgia Hey, hey, hey Whoo, Whoo!
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: So, it is still our wedding. I wasn't sure I was even invited because you keep asking for my opinion and then doing the exact opposite.
Cameron: That's one thing.
Mitchell: What about the music?
Cameron: I think our love deserves a band, not a D.J.
Mitchell: The tablecloths.
Cameron: They make sneakers out of that fabric.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: You won't let me pick one thing, and you want to know why?
Cameron: Because I have better taste than you.
Mitchell: [gasps] I was gonna say because you're a control freak.
Cameron: [gasps]
Mitchell: And how can you think that I have bad taste? We chose the exact same outfit.
Cameron: Did we? I wore fun loafers. You wore sensible Oxfords. Your collar's buttoned down. Mine's a more current widespread. And I chose a bold pocket square to bring out the stripe in the shirt, all of which you wouldn't have thought of because, well, I've already said.
Mitchell: You don't like my Oxfords?
Cameron: I'm sorry. I'm being harsh. They're fine.
Mitchell: Thank you.
Cameron: For a small-town detective. Okay, look. I can't help myself. I did it again. So, I-I don't love them. But I do love you. And I don't want you to feel left out.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Can you just do one thing for me?
Mitchell: Sure.
Cameron: Just be honest, and I'll let this go forever. Did you shake that can?
Mitchell: No.
Cameron: I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Thank God. Here they are. Fiona, we're all here.
Claire: Actually, Dad, we could use a moment.
Jay: I'm going to eat my hand.
Quote from Alex
Alex: "Jo immediately sat up, put her hands in her pockets, and began to whistle. 'Don't, Jo. It's so boyish.' 'That's why I do it.' 'I detest rude, unladylike girls.' 'I hate affected, niminy-piminy chits.'" Okay, this stinks. I give up.
Lily: Thank God.
Quote from Jay
Jay: [aside to camera] Last night, I had the greatest meal I've ever had, and it never would have happened if Gloria hadn't got us kicked out of that snooty restaurant.
[flashback:]
Jay: Tacos.
Mitchell: Tacos.
Jay: I need a taco.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Here you go. I didn't know what you wanted to drink, so I just got you this soda.
Mitchell: That's fine. Thank you. Cam, what did you do?
Cameron: I did exactly what you did because I know you so well.
Mitchell: I didn't shake the soda.
Cameron: Then you have nothing to worry about, so go ahead and open it.
Mitchell: I shook it, okay? I shook the soda. I shook it up! Are you happy? It was petty and stupid and awful. I'm sorry.
Cameron: [opens the can without incident]
Mitchell: Damn it.
Cameron: Ah.