Phil: Flapjacks for mi amore?
Claire: Oh, grazie.
Alex: Ugh. I don't know what's more syrupy you two or Luke's chin.
Luke: That's weird. I haven't had breakfast yet.

Gloria: It spooked her and she's hiding. We need to find her before Jay does and sees the collar. He has warned me many times not to get one because they are cruel.
Phil: All right, we'll deal with the Russians first, then come find Stella before the big vote.
Gloria: We do not have much time. We need to go. [Gloria and Phil stand up]
Cameron: I actually ordered a sandwich.

Haley: Is Rainer not here yet?
Alex: Oh no, he is. He, uh, signed a head shot I didn't ask for, and then went to the bathroom. There's his daughter.
Haley: I've never met a boyfriend's daughter before. I mean, I went out with Stacy's dad, but I've known her since, like, kindergarten.

Alex: You're nervous? I mean, how could this go wrong? She's a teenage girl. That's when you peaked.
Haley: I know. I guess I just really like this guy, and I want to be able to show him I can fit into the more complicated parts of his life.
Rainer Shine: Hey, princess.
Haley: Hey!
April: Hey!
Rainer Shine: Six people filmed me arguing with that meter maid, and no one caught this adorable moment?

Haley: Anyways, I'm Haley, your dad's, uh...
April: Latest?
Rainer Shine: Yes! Flash flood in the Mohave, they need me to cover. The water's already ramp high at the senior center. You know, a puppy floats by on a pizza box, this could be national. Oops, snakes. Our day!
April: I'll just go to Mom and Jeff's.
Haley: No, no, we were supposed to get to know each other today. Um, I can watch you.
April: Because I'm 4?
Rainer Shine: Oh, tone. Are you sure?
Haley: Yes. Girls day. We'll meet you later.
Rainer Shine: Oh, okay, thank you for understanding, sweetie.
Haley: No problem.
April: No problem.
Rainer Shine: [chuckles] Tragedy strikes. Dozens dead. Tragedy strikes. Dozens dead.

Claire: [aside to camera] I got the power suit, the corner office. A closet doesn't get installed in this town without me knowing about it. But one important decision, and suddenly I'm this pig-tailed little girl in Mary Janes looking to Daddy to tell me I'm smart.

Jay: Kevin, was that my grandson taking off in that sportscar?
Kevin: Yeah, it was.
Jay: That's quite a spin on that response. What's going on?
Kevin: Maggie Braithwaite has some work for him to do around her house. She's got an eye for the young ones.
Jay: Should I be worried?
Kevin: She might try and pressure him a little, but Luke's a smart kid, right?
Jay: ... Damn it.

Mitchell: Oh, well, actually, I gotta I don't have my keys. Oh, I must have dropped them.
Phil: Oh, no. Well, I'll- I'll help you check the gym. You remember what machines you were using?
Mitchell: All of them.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: We scoured that gym. It actually did take a crazy long time, because Mitchell kept getting lost. But I still needed a little more time.

Cameron: [answering phone] Hello.
Phil: The red panda's left the zoo.
Cameron: Red panda?
Phil: Mitchell's code name! I stalled him for as long as I could, and he got away.
Cameron: Okay, well, how much time do I have?
Phil: I'm not sure. I don't really know where I am. All I can see is- Oh, there's your house.

Mrs. Braithwaite: Luke, let's get those dirty, tight pants in the wash. Oh, hello. How are ya?
Jay: I'm here to pick up my barely-legal grandson.
Mrs. Braithwaite: I recognize you. From the club, right? You're the one fighting that silly new cigar rule.
Luke: Excuse me? Where'd you put my shirt?
Jay: Give us a minute, kid. It is a dumb rule, isn't it.
Mrs. Braithwaite: It's terrible. My late husband loved smoking in the main lodge.
Luke: Is that whose cologne you made me put on?
Jay: Hey, hey, hey. Boxes, right? I've got a petition here. Why don't you read it quick? You might want to sign it.
Mrs. Braithwaite: Oh, I'm not sure now's such a good time. [inhales sharply] My neck is so Luke, get in there.
Jay: Put your magic fingers to work.