Pepper: Ohh! I like this! It's a lot better than what was here before.
Mitchell: Uh, our kitchen was there before.
Pepper: [chuckles] Am I being unclear?

Cameron: Okay, well, Lionel, don't you look sharp?
Lionel: It's Burberry from Harrods in London. Right?
Pepper: Ohh, you wonderful child. You won't need those flashcards much longer.

Ronaldo: Here, for Lionel's stay: some snacks, toiletries, a design magazine you two could also flip through.
Mitchell: Okay, so, Lionel, uh, we have you set up here in the den. That's where the TV is, and Cam tells me that we have a sports package.
Lionel: That's okay. I should practice my cursive. Pepper says penmanship is a lost art.
Pepper: Yes. As are thank-you notes, which is why we can only assume you enjoyed our anniversary gift.

Alex: It's so infuriating. She treats you like you're not even a man. Doesn't that bother you?
Ben: You know, if you please everyone, you're not making enough progress. Sheryl Sandberg.

Alex: You know what? If she wants to belittle you like you're some child, we are going to use this to show her what kind of man you are.
Ben: I don't want to get paint on my T-shirt and socks.
Alex: Well, maybe you'll just have to take them off for this one.

Gloria: Your friend has a very successful juice business in Costa Rica.
Shorty: They call me the Fruit King.
Jay: They must have seen the outfit. I'll tell you what. I got a little thing this morning at the office. Why don't we meet back here at 1:00 for a little best-friend catch-up? Deal?
Shorty: Deal. Sounds good.
Gloria: You know what doesn't sound good? One grown man calling another grown man his best friend.
Jay: She doesn't get us. See you, buddy.

Cameron: No, you know what, this is upsetting me. He dresses the way they tell him to dress. He eats what they tell him to eat.
Mitchell: I know. They control his every move, and he clearly feels pressured to go along with it.
Lily: That's probably why he keeps telling me how lucky I am to live here.
Cameron: He said that? Wh... Why didn't you tell us?
Lily: You guys don't leave a lot of space to jump into your conversat...
Mitchell: You know what this is, Cam? He's obviously jealous of Lily because we allow her to be a kid and have fun.
Lily: Imagine how jealous he'll be when he finds out about my horseback-riding lessons.
Cameron: Let it go.
Mitchell: We're not doing that.

Luke: Hey, guys. Cool painting. Who did it?
Phil: Alex and Ben.
Luke: Oh, I think I heard them making it last night. She kept saying he was doing it wrong, but it looks good to me. I mean, I don't know anything about art, but... I know what I like. [bites apple]

Shorty: Oh, sorry, I kind of lost track of time.
Jay: Hey, no worries. Who among us hasn't blown off his best friend he hasn't seen in four years to go fruit shopping?
Shorty: Sounds like somebody could use a Pomegrapefruit Blast.
Gloria: Blast means "yogurt."

Jay: Um, you're taking Shorty to the theater?
Gloria: Ah, yes. I got the tickets for me and Manny, but he can't go and Shorty loves "Wicked." He thinks he's a Galinda and his brother an Elphaba.
Jay: You know what you're doing, don't you? You're turning Shorty into Manny. Stop hogging my best friend!