Phil: So, is this the kitchen?
Andy: Great question. Yes, it is. Fully updated with an open floor plan, perfect for large families. Do you and the missus have other kids?
Luke: Nope, just me, so it's way too big. You seem terrible at your job.
Andy: I don't know. You seem like a family with a lot of friends. It's great for entertaining.
Phil: How diverse is the neighborhood? I only ask because I'm married to a beautiful African-American woman.
I can't say who, but you may know her from "Avatar."
Andy: This neighborhood has a wonderful mix of different cultures and ethnicities.
Luke: Ooh, sounds dangerous.
Phil: Luke.
Andy: Here's all you need to know: in the last two years, home values in this neighborhood have increased by twice the city average. It's quiet. It's safe. I can't think of a better place to raise a beautiful mixed-race family.
Phil: I'm gonna have to have a quick conversation with Zoe, but I think you just sold a house.

Jay: Hi, sweetie. I want to talk to you. Now, honey, you're gonna live here from now on. Don't give me that look.
It wasn't anything you did. You've been the best dog I could ever have asked for, and I love you very much. So stay away from cars don't eat anything pointy and be a good girl. Goodbye, Stella-Bella. Wow. I didn't think I'd get through that without crying.
Cameron: [sobbing] Me neither.

Luke: Hey, dad, check out this video. It's a teacup pig playing a piano.
Phil: I saw that. Andy sent it to me.
Luke: Unbelievable.
Phil: That's what I thought, but then Andy and I did some digging. It turns out pigs are crazy musical.
Luke: Good ol' Andy.

Phil: Is something up, buddy?
Luke: I said "No" one time. And suddenly it's all "Andy this" and "Andy that."
Phil: Well, I didn't mean anything by it. It just seemed like you needed some space, so I gave it to you. I get it. You're at that age when you want to separate.
Luke: Yeah, I separate from you, not the other way around. Maybe I don't want to do dumb stuff with you all the time, but that doesn't mean you get to replace me.
Phil: What? Are you kidding me? I could never replace you. If it were up to me, we'd do everything together.
Luke: Really?
Phil: Yeah, I'd go to college with you. We'd- We'd be roommates. We'd try to join a frat. None of them would take us. We'd start our own. Oh, my God. That sounds amazing.
Luke: Why wouldn't they take us?
Phil: Well, yeah, they'd take me, but I'd be like, "No way, Bradley, not without my little pal, here."

Mitchell: Hey, Judy, that was a hilarious e-mail. Pickles are better than men. Did you get that?

Mitchell: Lucy, you're at work, so please dress like it. These "tops" that you wear are completely inappropriate.
Lucy: Wow. Sorry to offend you.
Mitchell: You know what? Um while I'm at it, uh, Glen, shower more often. Chuck, stop using "Reply all." A-and, Doris, no one cares about what you dreamt about last night. Let's keep in mind this is a place of business, folks, all right? Whew. This feels good. Is there a Carl?!
Claire: Wow! Lawyers. Am I right, Sport Coat?
Mark: That's not Sport Coat.
Claire: Hmm?

Cameron: Lily, do you remember how I said Stella was going be staying with us from now on? Well, it turns out she's gonna go home with Grandpa.
Lily: Okay.
Cameron: Lily, it's important to express your feelings. Don't bottle them up.
Lily: Okay. Yay! I can finally sleep with without her all over snoring!