Haley: Did anyone see my leopard print skirt?
Phil: I saw a leopard headband on the stairs.
Haley: That's it.
Claire: Alex is gonna be fine. That's the one I'm worried about. I'm gonna go talk to her.
Phil: I can't believe I just went power-walking with her skirt on my head.

Haley: Uh, are there any more questions?
Claire: No.
Haley: Okay, cool. Oh, that's him. Hey! Oh, you look so good! Come inside. Are you ready?
Andy: Yeah. I saw some stuff online, so I got a couple new things I wanna try out.
Haley: Let's do it!

Cameron: I have always supported your job and know how important it is.
Mitchell: Really? What's my new case about? The only one I was talking about for three weeks.
Cameron: People who need people.
Mitchell: Are they lucky, Cam? Are they the luckiest people in the world?

Lily: Daddy, she won't stop crying again.
Mitchell: [holding Lily's crying doll] One second, honey. Look, Cam, I love you very much, but I resent the way you're treating me today. Okay, I am not some 1950s housewife.
[Mitchell hits the doll's head against the wall]

Manny: Whatever the Spanish word is for "women," am I right?

Andy: Mr. Dunphy, I love being a manny, but I can't do it forever. I just didn't know what the next chapter should be, but then I met a guy named Phil Dunphy.
Phil: What?
Andy: A guy who loves what he does, and a guy who provided all this for his family. And then I realized, a career in real estate is what I want. And I was hoping I could learn from the best.
Phil: Skip Woosnum? Um, I can put in a call. He doesn't really get back-
Andy: No. You.
Phil: Andy, I'm- I'm so flattered. I'm, uh, I'm just not in the market for an assistant right now.
Andy: Yeah. Stupid. That was stupid to even ask. Thank you so much for your time. [walks away]
Phil: Lesson number one: Never take "no" for an answer! Now make me buy you.

Claire: Haley has a job interview?
Andy: That's where she is right now.
Phil: With who?
Andy: Gavin Sinclair. The big-time stylist to the stars? He's the one that slapped Katie Couric.
Claire: Wow.
Phil: Oh.

Cameron: I felt awful after that pancake breakfast, and not just because Mitchell undercooked the bacon.

Jay: Listen, I'm sorry I let Manny switch over to French without consulting you. I didn't think how it must be for you having to speak English all the time.
Gloria: You have no idea.
Jay: Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I hired the tutor back.
Gloria: Manny's not gonna like that. He's too much into his French thing.
Jay: The tutor's not for Manny. It's for me. [haltingly] Quiero decir, te amo en todos los idiomas que conoces. ["I want to say, I love you in every language you know."]
Gloria: Ay, Jay, I love it! Now you sound like the stupid one!

Anne Gibbs: So tell me, coach, how does this victory feel?
Cameron: Well, it feels great. Obviously, I feel like the belle of the football. Don liked that one. Don's laughing.
Anne Gibbs: It's pretty groundbreaking how this school has embraced you.
Cameron: Well, I'm grateful to this school, you know, and the kids and the parents. But, um, you know, I gotta say, I'm most grateful for- For this guy right here, my husband. Uh, Mitchell. Mitchell Pritchett.
Mitchell: Hi.
Cameron: He's an attorney who is the voice for people without one. He is a-a real hero who doesn't get the credit he deserves. Today, I went down and I watched him in the courtroom.
Mitchell: I knew that was you. I recognized your ringtone.
Cameron: I'm building to something. You know, yeah, I get a lot of attention, you know, coaching this game. But this man right here quietly defends the rights of real people with real problems. Homeless people forced to get jobs.
Mitchell: No, that's not it. That's not it, but it was so close.
Cameron: [sobbing] Yes, I am standing here boldly abolishing gay stereotypes. But... My makeup's running, isn't it?