‘Playdates’
Season 7, Episode 10 - Aired January 6, 2016
Claire and Phil have dinner plans with a wealthy couple they met on vacation, but Claire is annoyed that they never seem to pick up the bill. Gloria organizes a play date for Joe with a boy in his class, but she is particularly interested in her and Jay bonding with Wesley's parents. Jay is offended by the suggestion he's in the same age group as Wesley's eighty-something father. Meanwhile, Haley, Alex and Luke struggle to put together a fun day for Mitchell when he redeems his birthday coupon.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Anybody want some cheese?
Marty: Not me. Gums up the old ticker. Jay knows about that.
Jay: No idea. Love the stuff.
Gloria: Just be careful with the almonds. You may break the denture.
Jay: Uh, it's not a denture. It's an implant. How many times have we been over this?
Marty: You forget stuff, too, huh?
Jay: I never forget anything.
Gloria: When we park at the mall, we have to take a picture.
Quote from Haley
Haley: Okay, do not have a heart attack, but when you take off your blindfold, you will be standing in front of none other than the legendary superstar-
Mitchell: Who?
Haley: The one and only-
Mitchell: Who?
Haley: Ms. Barbra Streisand-
Mitchell: Oh, my!
Haley: -'s house.
Quote from Luke
Ray Liotta: Excuse me. Can I help you?
Mitchell: I'm so sorry. We were just- Oh, my god. You're Ray Liotta.
Luke: Wow. He really is a big fan. He even knows the name of her gardener.
Quote from Luke
Alex: It's not you, Mr. Liotta. We just really feel like we let our uncle down. We were supposed to plan a special day for his birthday, and we totally flaked.
Haley: We're so sorry. We tried to figure out where to take you, and we know how much you love Barbra Streisand.
Luke: You always give us the most awesome gifts. We suck.
Mitchell: Don't say that. I kind of figured you didn't have anything by the second verse of the omelet dance.
Luke: Hey, I've had no training.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: But then I saw how hard you were trying to make me happy, and I just love hanging out with you guys. Plus, I did get to meet Ray Lio- Ray.
Ray Liotta: You're also gonna meet Barbra.
Mitchell: What? No.
Ray Liotta: I've been meaning to go by her house anyway. I've got a bunch of her mail.
Mitchell: Oh, you don't have to do that.
Ray Liotta: No, no, no, no. You remind me of- Of someone that I loved when I was a kid. I had a funny uncle, too.
Quote from Lily
Lily: Do you have any hobbies?
Rob: Well, I like rock climbing.
Monte: I collect Pokemon.
Lily: [to Rob] I hear Canada's nice. Do you like bacon?
Quote from Lily
Lily: I love your shirt. Is it new?
Rob: Oh, I think this shirt's older than you are.
Lily: Oh! Ha ha ha ha!
Cameron: Okay, Lily, can I see you in the bedroom, please?
Lily: Older than I am. Oh, Rob, you're killing me!
Quote from Jay
Gloria: What are you doing?
Jay: Marty said guys our age can't do 10 sit-ups.
Marty: I don't remember saying it, but it sounds like me.
Quote from Phil
Phil: They're going to figure it out, Tom. We were drunk on margaritas, and we wanted to find out whose wife would eat the most crickets.
Claire and Lisa: What?!
Tom: Doesn't seem like they were circling that, Phil.
Claire: You were just g-grabbing crickets and sneaking them into our food?
Phil: Not live ones. They were roasted.
Quote from Claire
Claire: I'd like to give you two a little something to think about. Most of the food you eat is prepared by us.
Lisa: Or by our private chef. But I-I like where you're going.
Claire: Next time you take a bite of a big, juicy burger or dig into a bowl of spaghetti, there's gonna be an extra special ingredient in there, and it won't be love.