Alex: Dad, I don't like this.
Phil: Why not?
Alex: My friend Molly's dad bought a sports car, and now he lives in a studio apartment and dates a girl who works at forever 21, which she won't be for two years.

Gloria: Jay, tell me, why are we on the runway?
Jay: Surprise! We're taking a private plane.
Manny: Wow! I've never been on a private plane!
Gloria: And you never will. I am not getting on that little thing! What if the rubber band snaps and we fall out of the sky?

Jay: Don't blame me. It's your mom's fault.
Gloria: Do you know how many people have died in these planes? John Denver, Patsy Cline, Ritchie Valens.
Jay: I've heard you sing. I think you're safe.

Jay: Damn it!
Gloria: What was that?
Jay: Giant pothole. The dash is lighting up like a Christmas tree. Tire's blown! This never would have happened if we were in the air!
Gloria: If this had happened in the air, we wouldn't be in the air. We would be in rock 'n' roll heaven!

Gloria: No. I did not get in the little plane at the little airport! I'm not gonna get in this takka-takka-takka-takka flown by that guy that couldn't fix our car!

Mitchell: So what do you think, huh? Turtle or giraffe or, uh, little reindeer?
Lily: Where's Bunny now?
Mitchell: Uh, St. Louis.
Lily: Why?
Mitchell: He's visiting his girlfriend.
Lily: He doesn't have a girlfriend. He has a boyfriend!
Both: Aww.
Lily: I want Bunny!

Mitchell: No, no, Lily. Lily, uh, what about Miss, uh, Teddy Bear? Huh? No? Uh, Dr. Tiger? No? Mr. Fish?
Lily: I want Bunny. I'm going to St. Louis.
Cameron: Really? You don't know Nemo? It's on an endless loop in the den.
Mitchell: I have a job.

Mitchell: You know, once, when I was a kid, my dad left my Luke Skywalker doll on an airplane, and I was so angry-
Cameron: Wait, which- Which Luke? Shorty robe or dress blacks?
Mitchell: Shorty robe.
Cameron: Oh, my.
Mitchell: And you know what he did to get it back? Not a damn thing. Nope. He didn't lift one pudgy finger to make a single phone call, and I got over it.
Cameron: Yeah, well, I want you and Lily to have the same healthy relationship you and your father have. For sure.

Phil: Hey, did you know there's a girl with a crush on Luke?
Claire: Olivia.
Phil: Yeah. Oh, and Haley's totally done with Corey.
Claire: That's new.
Phil: Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she'll be useful when they finish buying us.
Claire: She's so weird.
Phil: I really want to be able to drive the kids around. I need a bigger car for work. I made a mistake.
Claire: No, you didn't. You bought it for a reason. When did we stop coming to the beach?
Phil: I think it was when Alex started printing out water quality reports.
Claire: She'll be China's problem soon.

Manny: They say the important thing in life isn't the destination. It's the journey, the challenges you face along the way, the unexpected twists and turns, the disappointments you overcome. But they're wrong. It's all about the destination, especially when the destination is your amazing oceanfront hotel. Thank you again, Serena. Warmest regards, Manny Delgado.
Jay: What's he doing?
Gloria: He's sending flowers to the concierge.
Jay: Oh, jeez.
Manny: [clicks fingers] Hey, credit card.