Phil: My, uh, client just wants me to pick her up on the way to the open house, which is great. I'll, uh, drop the sign off and just swing across town to... Oh. She's bringing her mom and a designer.
Claire: Well, maybe they'll fit in the trunk.
Phil: Here it comes!
Claire: What? I was making a joke.
Phil: What's your game, woman?
Claire: I have no game. You're an adult. You can make your own choices.
Phil: Since when?

Andre: Come look at this. This thing warns you if you deviate from your lane. In my car, that's my wife. "Andre, if you try to kill me, I swear I will kill you!"
Phil: Well, I guess this is what I'll be driving for the next 39 months.
Andre: This is my D.N.A. talking, but you do not seem sufficiently excited about the prospect of driving a new Cadillac.
Phil: No, it's great. I've just leased the same thing forever. Part of me wants to shake things up. I don't know.
Get something like... Like that.
Andre: Oh, wow.
Phil: Colonel Klink, that is nice.

Cameron: I love that we're doing this. It's important for her to explore the city she lives in.
Mitchell: So much diversity. Keep your wallet in your front pocket.

Lily: Bunny!
Cameron: How did you miss that, Mitchell?
Mitchell: Mr. Conductor! I-I And it's me! Why would you toss it?

Cameron: Okay, I have an idea. Let's catch the next train and ride it till it catches up.
Mitchell: They don't catch up. That's called a collision.
Cameron: Okay, well, do you have a better idea? You're the one that lost it.
Mitchell: No, you tossed it. He who tossed it lost it.
Cameron: Don't try to clever your way out of this.
Lily: Daddy lost Bunny.
Both: She means you.

Andre: You should buy it.
Phil: No, it's not practical.
Andre: Practical? You never see a person on their deathbed saying, "I wish I'd have been more practical." I see a lot of people on their deathbed, Phil. A lot.
Phil: I thought you operated on knees and elbows.

Jay: Gloria? Which watch should I pack? This one's showier. This one's more expensive.
Gloria: Why do you care so much about a watch?
Jay: How do I say this without sounding like an ass? I'm kind of a legend to these guys.
Gloria: Not like that.

Phil: Who's your daddy?
Luke: Whoa! Whose car is this?
Phil: Mine!
Andre: I talked him into it.
Luke: Seriously? Mom's gonna let you have this?
Phil: [laughing] Luke, Luke, Luke... Where is she?

Haley: Oh, my God, it's so pretty! I love it! And I love you, and I promise I'll take super good care of it!
Alex: Can I tell her? Please. I ask for so little.
Phil: Alex, be nice to your sister.
Alex: It's Dad's car, not yours.
Haley: What? But you're too old for this! It's just like last year when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans.
Alex: Wouldn't or couldn't?
Phil: Hey. I looked hot.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] Lily was up all night because she didn't have Bunny, which means that we were up all night because she didn't have Bunny. God, she must have cried for... How long was it, Cam? [Cam snores] Cam. Cam.
Cameron: Hmm? Oh, sorry. Uh, last night was rough because Lily...
Mitchell: Covered it.
Cameron: Didn't have Bunny.