Claire: Ah, there they are, my Super Dunphys.
Haley: We're sorry, but we just-
Claire: Unh-unh-unh. You don't get to talk. You had a chance to be better people today. You, to be more well-rounded, and you, to be a better student. You could have elevated the Dunphy name, but instead, you chose to tarnish it, so, congratulations, ladies, you brought this family to a new low.
Alex: Mom, are you-
Claire: Yeah. Yeah, I am, and I would actually like to get these loosened up, if I might.
Officer Blevin: Are we gonna have any more trouble?
Claire: No, ma'am.

Waiter: Goat cheese Risotto ball?
Cameron: No, thank you.
Waiter: Are you sure? They're so good.
Cameron: Walk away.

Mitchell: Cam! Don't be mad at me, but I think that you really need to eat something.
Cameron: What? You're supposed to be my support. Oh, away from me, temptress. And I never thought I would call you that in a negative way.

Charlie Bingham: As you can imagine, I get asked to help, uh, with a lot of these environmental causes. Usually, I buy a ticket, uh, bid on Shaquille O'Neal's big shoe And, uh, come home. But then, something happened. I love paddle surfing, and each time I'd go out, I'd see this one sea lion. He'd pop his head up. He'd check me out. I got so used to seeing him, I even named him-- Snorkels.
Cameron: Oh, God, I do not like where this is going.
Charlie Bingham: So one day, I, uh, I go out and I see Snorkels. But he's doing this weird twisting thing in the water.
Cameron: Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Mitchell: Shh, shh.
Charlie Bingham: So I paddle over, and I see he's got a plastic grocery bag wrapped around his neck and one of his fins. And I freaked, tried to get it off with my paddle. It didn't work, so I-I jumped in, but he disappeared under the water. And, uh-
Cameron: Don't say it. Don't you dare say it.
Charlie Bingham: And I never saw him again.
Cameron: Oh. This is the saddest thing I've ever-
Mitchell: [wailing]
Cameron: Mitchell, are you okay?
Mitchell: Of course I'm not okay. None of this is okay.
Cameron: Okay, well, you need to pull yourself together 'cause we're at your boss' house.
Mitchell: He drowned, Cam!
Charlie Bingham: Is he all right?
Cameron: Yeah, yeah, I just think he needs a little air.
Mitchell: You know who else needed air? Snorkels!

Mitchell: Snorkels?! Where are you, Snorkels?!
Cameron: Mitchell, get back here!
Mitchell: Oh, Snorkels!
Cameron: Mitchell, what is wrong with you?!
Mitchell: What do you think is wrong with me? I'm starving!
Cameron: Well, if you're starving, then just eat something!
Mitchell: I can't eat something because then you'll get mad at me, and we're at my boss' house!
Cameron: I'm not gonna get mad at you! I appreciate what you're doing for me! I'm doing it for you.
Mitchell: Oh, you don't have to do anything for me. I love you just the way you are.
Cameron: I love you just the way you are.

Charlie Bingham: I think Mitchell may just be a work friend.

Alex: I let down my Mom and Dad today, and worse than that, I let down my teacher.
Haley: It's all my fault. Everything I touch turns to detention.

Luke: Come on, Dad! Believe in yourself! You're making the impossible unimpossible.
Claire: Phil. Oh, my God.
Luke: Don't even bother. He's in the zone. He can't hear you.
Alex: Go, Dad!
Haley: You got this!

Claire: [aside to camera] All week long, I'd been telling my girls how to act instead of showing them, but not Phil. Phil could have said, Or "Haley, challenge yourself. Don't give up so easily." But instead of talking the talk, Phil walked the walk. And isn't that what we're supposed to do for the people we love? It's definitely a challenge, but Phil made it look easy seven feet off the ground. Turns out, I've had my Super Dunphy all along.

Cameron: We're in here!
Mitchell: Oh, my God. These cupcakes are so good.
Cameron: I'm so sorry. We helped ourselves. We were so hungry. They are delicious.
Mitchell: I love that they're not too sweet, you know?
Cameron: Mmm. Mmm. They taste almost like pate. You know, I mean-
Lily: But why are you eating?
Cameron: We've been on a juice cleanse. You need to mind your own business, sweetie, for right now.