‘New Year's Eve’
Season 4, Episode 11 - Aired January 9, 2013
Jay is excited to take the whole family away to celebrate New Year's at his favorite hotel in Palm Springs. When the hotel isn't all it was cracked up to be, everyone heads out to do their own thing, leaving Jay to slink off to his hotel room. Elsewhere, as Haley and Alex look after Luke, Manny and Lily, they realize the boys are growing up quicker than they thought.
Quote from Luke
Alex: So what's the plan, Haley?
Haley: I'm going in. That's our baby brother up there. I'm not ready for all of this. The girls, the hormones, it's gross.
Alex: Well, we can't just barge in. I'm still trying to get the image of mom and dad out of my- Oh, God, it's back.
Haley: I'm coming in!
Luke: What are you doing?
Haley: Just putting away some laundry.
Luke: That's a bra. And a tablecloth.
Quote from Haley
Luke: Wait. Why does she have to go?
Haley: Because I said so.
Luke: You're not the boss.
Claire: Don't talk back to your sister.
Luke: Ugh! I hate you!
Haley: You hate me now, but someday you'll thank me! [to Alex] I think I owe mom a huge apology.
Lily: Is anyone watching me?
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Jay, it's almost midnight, and we forgot to buy my grapes.
Jay: Did you try room service? They probably have grapes.
Eleanor: Oh, nothing fresh. But you can always fish some out of a can of fruit cocktail.
Gloria: Jay, you know that I need real grapes for my wishes.
Jay: It's a Colombian tradition. It's only moderately insane.
Billy Dee Williams: Well, I have grapes at my house.
Jay: No, I don't want you to blow New Year's.
Billy Dee Williams: Oh, please. Every night is New Year's for Billy Dee.
Gloria: I like you, Billy Dee.
Quote from Haley
Haley: New Year's is so weird, the way it makes you think about time. I think that's why people put so much pressure on themselves to have fun. I mean, I guess I sorta get it. Like right now I wish I could just slow down time, 'cause I am so not ready for him to grow up yet.
Alex: I know. I want him to stay our stupid little brother. Hey, happy New Year.
Haley: You too.
Alex: [drinking the pina Delgado] Oh, my God, what is in this?
Haley: Oh. Sorry. That one's mine.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: So at midnight, you eat them and then you make your wishes.
Billy Dee Williams: Well, that sounds vaguely familiar. I might have heard about that when I did that "Love Boat" with Charo.
Jay: You know Charo?
Gloria: He's so obsessed with Charo.
Billy Dee Williams: No kidding.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Jay? Have you seen the grapes?
Jay: Yeah, I ate them.
Gloria: Why would you eat the grapes?
Jay: They were in a bowl, they were washed, I paid for them.
Quote from Jay
Jay: [aside to camera] For New Year's Eve, we're taking Phil and Claire and Mitch and Cam to this amazing hotel I used to go to in Palm Springs. They got a whole package: dinner, dancing, toast at midnight. I mean, what more do you need?
Gloria: Grapes.
Jay: I said we'd stop on the way.
Quote from Haley
Phil: Haley, it's New Year's Eve. Are you sure you don't wanna go to a party or something?
Haley: And listen to all my friends talk about how awesome college is? I know how awesome college is. That's what got me kicked out.
Quote from Alex
Claire: [to Haley] Well, I'm sure Uncle Mitchell will feel much better leaving Lily here knowing that you're in charge. You know you're really in charge, right?
Alex: How do you know I don't have a party? [off their silence] Okay, fine.
Quote from Lily
Cameron: Lily, are you ready for your big sleepover with your cousins?
Lily: Who's watching me?
Cameron: Haley.
Lily: I'm serious.
Mitchell: Alex.
Lily: Okay, let's go.