‘New Year's Eve’
Season 4, Episode 11 - Aired January 9, 2013
Jay is excited to take the whole family away to celebrate New Year's at his favorite hotel in Palm Springs. When the hotel isn't all it was cracked up to be, everyone heads out to do their own thing, leaving Jay to slink off to his hotel room. Elsewhere, as Haley and Alex look after Luke, Manny and Lily, they realize the boys are growing up quicker than they thought.
Quote from Gloria
Billy Dee Williams: Oh, what's the matter with everybody? It's early yet.
Jay: Yeah, I'm having fun for the first time since I got here.
Gloria: Jay?
Jay: How long has she been there?
Gloria: What are you doing here?
Jay: Gloria. Everybody ditched me, these guys invited me to play poker, and look who I'm sitting next to.
Gloria: Eh...
Billy Dee Williams: Oh, she has no idea. Hello, I'm Billy Dee Williams.
Gloria: Hello. I'm Gloria, dee wife.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: They were for the New Year's.
Jay: Oh, right. What's that goofy thing again?
Gloria: It's not goofy. It's a tradition. At midnight, you eat 12 grapes, you make 12 wishes, one for each month of the year.
Jay: And you really think that works?
Gloria: Five years ago, I was a single mother living in a slum. Today, I'm driving to Palm Springs in my new car with my rich husband. You do what you want. I'm eating the grapes.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Oh, my God. A classic Rolls Corniche. I have been in love with this car my whole life. In my village, if you didn't drive one of these, you couldn't call yourself a drug lord.
Billy Dee Williams: Would you like to drive it?
Gloria: Does the bear sit in the woods?
Jay: Classic Charo.
Quote from Haley
Alex: Hey. You sure you don't wanna play "The Hunger Games" with all of us?
Haley: My whole life is a hunger game. Why do you think I'm so mean to you?
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: [aside to camera] Every New Year's Eve, it's like, "what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?" So we were happy that Jay planned this whole thing. It really, you know, takes the pressure off of having to outdo ourselves.
Mitchell: Yeah, and how are we gonna possibly top last year?
[flashback:]
Lily: [blows party streamer]
Cameron: Oh. Did we miss it?
Mitchell: Mm? It's only 10:00.
Cameron: What?
Mitchell: It's only 10:00.
Cameron: What?
Mitchell: It's only 10:00.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Huh. Place is smaller than I remember.
Claire: Smaller's your issue?
Gloria: When was the last time that you were here, Jay?
Jay: Not that long ago. 1974, '75.
Gloria: So when I was 2?
Jay: I don't like when you do that.
Quote from Phil
Claire: I say we get a bottle of champagne, look up at the stars, forget our bathing suits.
Phil: That does sound hot.
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Phil: But I'd just be thinking about your dad the whole time.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Are you serious? Billy Dee Williams? I'm a huge fan.
Billy Dee Williams: Well, now you have to stay, since none of these guys have seen me in anything since "Mahogany."
Bugs: Never even saw that.
Hugo: Me either.
Jay: You're kidding. Billy Dee's an alderman trying to keep Diana Ross in Chicago, rather than become an international model and designer. My son made me watch it with him. He's gay.
Billy Dee Williams: Oh, good. I didn't want to be the one to tell you.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Excuse me, young man. I was here first.
Mitchell: Young man? Why don't you just call him whipper-snapper?
Cameron: Ugh. This is ridiculous. We can't even get a drink. Everyone in here's 11, and I'm hot! If we were hot, we'd be drinking right now.
Mitchell: If we were hot, we'd be drinking right now.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Do you know that it's been a month?
Phil: No, it hasn't.
Claire: Mm-hmm. Yes, it has. Mm-hmm. Day after Thanksgiving. I remember because I came in under budget on all of my Christmas gifts, and you know how that gets me going.