‘New Year's Eve’
Season 4, Episode 11 - Aired January 9, 2013
Jay is excited to take the whole family away to celebrate New Year's at his favorite hotel in Palm Springs. When the hotel isn't all it was cracked up to be, everyone heads out to do their own thing, leaving Jay to slink off to his hotel room. Elsewhere, as Haley and Alex look after Luke, Manny and Lily, they realize the boys are growing up quicker than they thought.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Never trust pictures on the Internet. Shoot it from the right angle, you can make anything look bigger and better.
[Mitchell and Cameron snicker]
Claire: Houses, you pervs. He's a realtor.
Quote from Cameron
Eleanor: I thought I heard voices. Robby! I told you! It's people.
Cameron: Oh, my God. That's me in 20 years!
Mitchell: Okay, you be her, and I'll be whoever left her.
Quote from Gloria
Jay: Okay, so the place is not what it used to be. But we're gonna have fun. Dining in the starlight room, little dancing with the Shelley Stroman trio.
Eleanor: Oh, there's just two left.
Jay: Here are your keys. Check out's at 11:00, but if you wanna stay longer-
Gloria: No, 11:00 is good.
Quote from Phil
Robby: If you're looking for romance, there's a secluded hot spring nearby. Kind of a hidden gem.Just follow the path right by the 12th hole of the golf course.
Claire: Wow. That sounds kinda nice. Secluded. Natural.
Robby: Sexy.
Claire: Sexy. What do you think, Phil?
Phil: Does it smell like eggs? Some of them smell like eggs.
Quote from Claire
Claire: [aside to camera] It's been a while since Phil and I... The whole month of December? Not even a [suggestive noise]. Or a quick [clicks tongue], you know? It's embarrassing, and it's not like us. That's making me anxious, which is why I really need to get [whistles].
Quote from Claire
Claire: I say we bag dinner with my dad, and go find that hot spring.
Phil: Honey, we can't just ditch your father. He wanted us all to be together.
Claire: We are always together. Oh, my God, what are we gonna hear that we've never heard before? Mitch and Cam's inspiring story of how Lily saved that kid with the Heimlich? Please. She hugged him, and he spit his gum out.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Oh, perfect. No, great. If we need any socks, someone left one in the bed.
Cameron: Oh, my gosh. There is no way Crispin stays here when he comes to The Beacon.
Mitchell: What's The Beacon?
Cameron: The club that he's always raving about. It's right down the street.
Mitchell: That's where we should go. Somewhere fun for New Year's, while we're still young... ish.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: Um, y-you could pretend to get sick at the table. You know, fake a cough, stomachache, dealer's choice. I don't care. Just sell it and get us out of there.
Cameron: But what about your dad? He wants the family to be together.
Mitchell: We are always together. I mean, how many times do we have to hear Claire tell us Luke's hilarious comeback to the pediatrician?
Cameron: Oh, gosh. We should start calling her "ranch house", because she doesn't have a second story.
Quote from Lily
Alex: They're going upstairs alone. Is that even allowed?
Haley: I don't know.
Alex: Should we say something?
Haley: Like what?
Alex: Like, "it's not okay"?
Haley: Well, maybe it is.
Alex: Is it? I don't know. I just feel like we're not doing our job as babysitters.
Haley: Of course we are.
Lily: [rings doorbell, enters] I'm cold, and I saw a coyote.
Quote from Phil
Claire: And Luke turns to him and says, "Dr. Blaustein, really? Not even dinner first?"
Phil: [laughing] Hand to God! Dr. B. told me himself!