Claire: Clive, I have a little something for you.
Phil: What is it?
Claire: My dress.
Phil: Oh, th-
Claire: My bra.
Phil: Oh, my G-
Claire: My underwear.
Phil: My God.
Claire: Yeah. What do you say we take this upstairs?
Phil: This is so much better than cheesy garlic bread.

Ted Durkas: [on the phone] Chocolate.
Cameron: Uh-huh. Go on.
Ted Durkas: Vanilla.
Cameron: I'm taking copious notes. Keep goin', Mr. Durkas.

Fiona: So, why would Ted say he wrote the poem if he didn't?
Manny: Maybe because you're the cutest girl in school, and you have a laugh that makes science lab seem like recess.

Cameron: [on the phone] Would you be more or less inclined to visit a Great Shakes establishment if you knew your satisfaction was guaranteed?
Ted Durkas: That's a dumb question.
Cameron: Excuse me. It is not a dumb question, Mr. Tarnation! He hung up.
Mitchell: Then you can drop the accent.

Ted Durkas: Delgado. What are you doing here?
Manny: Discussing poetry. Maybe you'll like to recite some of yours.
Ted Durkas: I'm not gonna recite anything.
Manny: Just admit you didn't write the poem.
Ted Durkas: I don't know what he's talking about. Get out of here before you get your butt kicked.

Ted Durkas: Fine! Whatever. I stole his stupid poem.
Fiona: You did?
Manny: I told you.
Mitchell: There you go.
Ted Durkas: I only did it because I had the feelings, I just didn't know how to show 'em.
Fiona: Really? That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.
Manny: You've gotta be kidding me. Let's get out of here. This chick's crazy.
Mitchell: Seriously.

Cameron: I've never seen you like that.
Mitchell: You have no idea how good that felt.
Cameron: Well, happy Valentine's Day, counselor.

Phil: Claire, you remember Tom Mickleson from the office and his wife, Susan.
Claire: I do. Hey.
Tom: Is your coat stuck?
Claire: It is. It really is. It's in there pretty darn good.
Tom: Why don't you take it off?
Claire: Um, I'm freezing cold.
Tom: Well, at least let me give it a shot.
Phil: Oh, I don't think-
Tom: No, no, no. I got it.

Principal Balaban: Mr. And Mrs. Dunphy?
Phil: Hey.
Claire: Principal Balaban.
Phil: Hey, how are you?
Principal Balaban: Who's Clive Bixby?
Phil: Oh, uh, he makes speakers. He's actually in town for a trade show.
Claire: Phil.

Principal Balaban: My, are you stuck?
Claire: Yeah, I am. A little bit.
Principal Balaban: Why don't you take off that coat?
Claire: Um, I'm chilly.
Tom: It's really jammed in here.
Principal Balaban: Let me in there. I'll get you.
Phil: No, I think we're okay.
Ms. Passwater: Mrs. Dunphy?
Claire: Are you kidding me? Hi! Luke's math teacher, Ms. Passwater.
Phil: [chuckling] "Passwater."