Cameron: [aside to camera] Our house is being fumigated, so Jay and Gloria invited us to stay here for a few days. I am very excited to have 72 hours with this one.
Gloria: We don't get to spend much time together, so I know that we're gonna be like, um, um-
Cameron: Fred and Ginger?
Gloria: Who?
Cameron: Movie night! [both laugh]
[separately to camera:]
Jay: It's nosier than usual around here.

Phil: Oh, you know what? I need the angled screwdriver. I left it at the office. I, um, I keep it there because of- of all my signs. I'll, uh, put up a "for sale" sign, and next day, of course, I gotta put up the "sold" banner.
Claire: Yeah.
Phil: Then the next day, same deal. "For sale", "sold".
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Phil: "For sale." "Sold." "For sale." "Sold."
Claire: You're a great-- great salesman.

Gloria: Ah, where did those come from?
Manny: Yeah, I thought amaryllis were out of season.
Cameron: Oh, I got a guy. You know, I just thought they'd brighten up the house a little bit.
Gloria: Oh, that was so thoughtful of you.
[aside to camera:]
Gloria: I didn't realize that my house needed brightening up.

Mitchell: That smells delicious, but nothing for me. I've got an early work lunch.
Jay: Really? I didn't hear an ambulance.
Mitchell: Yeah, it's funny because it's what I've dedicated my life to.

Jay: Booker would play a prank, the sucker would be twisting in the wind, and just when you couldn't stand it anymore, he'd say, "Guess who just got their bell rung!" God, I'd love to meet him.
Cameron: Oh, they're just going down to Rae's. You should pop down. I'm sure he'd love to meet a fan.
Jay: I don't know. I met Boz Scaggs once, got all tongue-tied.

Mitchell: The tax write-off alone makes financial sense. You know, even if you take the environment out of it.
Booker Bell: Well, don't take the environment out of it. Without the wetlands, there's no ducks, and without the ducks, there's nothing for me to shoot at.
Mitchell: Okay. Well, we're shooting from two different angles, but, uh, hopefully we'll end up at the same place.

Jay: You know, I gotta tell you one thing. One time when I was driving from Youngstown to Sugar Creek, you called this guy at a Kitty Litter Company and you asked him to bring over 900 pounds of litter, and in the background, you hear all these lions roaring, and [laughing]... I-I-I laughed so hard, I almost had an accident.
Booker Bell: The car or you?
Jay: Funny as ever!

Jay: Hey, are you still in touch with the old gang? Grandma Groovy? Spaceman Clyde?
Booker Bell: Are you kidding? I am the old gang.
Jay: No way.
Booker Bell: [as Grandma Groovy] I may be old, but I still know how to boggie.
Jay: My God, it's like she's here!
Mitchell: She is here! How are you still not getting this? That's her.

Mitchell: This is a business meeting. Do you have any idea how inappropriate this is? No. No, of course you don't, because as far as you're concerned, all a lawyer does is walk into a bar with a rabbi and polar bear.
Jay: Grizzly, 'cause otherwise, with the bartender-
Mitchell: Dad! I'm working! You're embarrassing both of us! Please, you gotta go.

Claire: Yeah, look who came by to fix the table.
Tad: Well, I had some time to kill, so I thought I'd drop by with that tool your wife needed.
Phil: Wow. What a guy.
Claire: Yeah.