Haley: Hey, gals, things haven't been going that great between me and Arvin, and he's stopping by to say goodbye before leaving for Switzerland. Could you take off the onesies and make it look like we don't live in an insane asylum?
Phil: You suck! You eat like a moron!
Haley: [doorbell rings] Oh, my God! It's like you want Arvin to throw his return ticket off an Alp!

Cameron: Okay, now, when I say "action," Cal's gonna throw me the ball. You're gonna walk backwards, and then in editing, I'll reverse it to make it look like Cal's catching the ball and you're walking normally.
Mitchell: Why am I even in it at all?
Cameron: Remind me of something, Mitchell, is the best art made by a million voices chiming in or one man with a single vision?

Lily: Why the giant bottle of wine?
Cameron: It's for perspective, and nobody's asking that question.
Lily: Didn't I just ask it?

Luke: What's that?
Phil: Oh. Um... Listen. No dad wants to have this talk with his son, but... you're just not eating enough hot dogs.

Luke: I'm sorry. For some reason, I just... I can't focus.
Claire: I think what Luke is trying to say is, he's too old for this contest and he doesn't have the heart to tell you.
Phil: That's impossible. I'm an adult. I'm still super into it.
Luke: Yeah. My 20s should be my prime hot-dog-eating years.
Claire: That was just my first attempt. I'm gonna figure this out. Hang on. Despite what Alex says, I have not lost my edge.
Phil: Something just clicked.
Luke: Fine. You're right. It's college.
Claire: It is?
Luke: Yeah. I'm distracted because I'm feeling some pressure on which classes to take. But don't worry. I'm gonna figure it out.
Claire: Wow. How could you tell?
Phil: Just a perceptive guy.

Haley: Arvin and I had the worst goodbye. It's been such a weird past couple months.
Claire: That long?
Haley: It feels like it all started in the hospital, after I told him I loved him.
Claire: There you go.
Claire: That's it. You pressured him. Too much, too soon.
Haley: Maybe.
Phil: Something's not lining up.
Haley: Okay, you're right.
Claire: Seriously?!

[flashback:]
Haley: Lost again?
Dylan: No. This time, I meant to come back. I have some pretty big news. You should probably be sitting for this.
Haley: O... kay. [raises bed]
Dylan: I lied. I'm not married anymore. My wife left me for her ex-husband. I'm a divorcé.
Haley: Why are you telling me this?
Dylan: Because I'm back in town, I'm going to nursing school, and we might run into each other. I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending my wife is in the bathroom.
Haley: Yeah, I would start to worry about her after a while

Haley: I can't believe Dylan got into my head.
Claire: I can't believe he got into nursing school.

Gloria: Have you seen Manny? I've been looking all over for him. I don't see him.
Jay: I've been here, busy inspecting the troops. Young lady, could you straighten that hat? Sir, that... that horn could use a shine. Haircut. Gloria, if this goes well, in a couple of months, I'll be lighting the town Christmas tree. Take that, Dad!

Gloria: You know what is weird? After so many years at Carnaval, to be at a parade with people fully dressed.