Phil: [Australian accent] Ready to go down under, mate?
Luke: Yes.
Alex: What are you doing?
Phil & Luke: Treasure hunting.
Claire: Wow.

Phil: [aside to camera] A few days ago, the cable guy was under the house. When he was leaving, he said to Haley, "Wow. That's quite a collection you've got down there." Here's the thing. We have no idea what he's talking about. All week, Luke and I have been getting more and more excited about what it could be.

Phil: Excited?
Luke: Yeah.
Phil: We're like Ponce de Leon and his son, Little Ponce.
Luke: Who's that?
Phil: Famous treasure hunters.
Luke: His name was Ponce? He'd get made fun of at my school. They'd probably call him "Pants."
Phil: [laughing] Pants. [chuckles] Or maybe, um, "Fancy Ponce."

Haley: As long as I don't get the same guy. He's so mean.
Alex: You probably will.
Claire: You won't.
Haley: He hates me.
Claire: He doesn't hate you.
Haley: He yelled at me.
Alex: You drove into the bushes.
Haley: Oh, no. It's him. Please don't be for me. Please don't be for me. Please don't be for me. Please don't be me. Hi. Oh, thank God.
Jenkins: Well, come on. I don't have all day.
Haley: I'm gonna throw up.

Claire: Okay, no. This is what you're gonna do. You're gonna get in that car, put on your seat belt and take three deep breaths and relax. This guy sees hundreds of kids every day. He probably doesn't even remember you, all right?
Haley: Okay.
Jenkins: Yo. Let's move it, two strikes.

Phil: See how much better this is? The truck goes in. It gets video. And then we get a preview of whatever's in there. How ingenious is that, huh?
Luke: Are you just scared to go in?
Phil: Why would you say that?
Luke: Well, when you stuck your head in, you screamed a little.
Phil: I told you. That was the house settling. Besides, this is so much cooler. This is how NASA does it. Now, hand me the ltty Bitty Book Light. Yeah. Final piece of the puzzle. [imitates explosion] Blast off.

Luke: Hey, Dad? Yeah? How are you supposed to steer if you don't know where you're going?
Phil: Stay in the present, buddy. Gotta do it by feel. Gotta get all Jedi on it. [motor whirring] Uh-oh.
Luke: Did you just lose my truck?
Phil: No.
Luke: You just lost my truck!
Phil: No, I didn't!
Luke: That was my truck! Grandpa just gave it to me!
Phil: I told you to stay in the present!
Luke: Stop yelling! Truce?
Phil: Yeah. Sorry. [shakes Luke's hand]

Jenkins: Pull over.
Haley: No, I can do this!
Jenkins: Pull over now. Why are you crying?
Haley: Why do you hate me?
Jenkins: Oh, hell. Haley, I don't hate you. You seem like a nice girl. You remind me of my daughter. Which is why I want you to live a long and happy life and be safe and not hurt my daughter.
Haley: I really want my license. I've been practicing a lot, I swear. [sniffles]
Jenkins: You gonna drink and drive?
Haley: No, sir.
Jenkins: You gonna text and drive?
Haley: No, sir.
Jenkins: All right. Let's start this from the beginning.
Haley: Could you smile first? I'll be less nervous if you smile. [Jenkins smiles] Okay, that didn't help.
Jenkins: Just go.

Manny: Today feels like a good day for halibut. Hey, Jay, did I ever tell you about the time I used peanut butter and jelly for bait and I caught a thresher shark?
Jay: I don't know. You tell me a lot of funny things.

Manny: Why are we going this way?
Gloria: It's just another way to go.
Manny: Uh-oh. Something's going on.
Jay: What are you talking about?
Manny: Wake up, old man. She's trying to get me on that roller coaster.
Jay: No, she's not.
Gloria: Yes, I am.