‘Fears’
Season 1, Episode 16 - Aired March 3, 2010
Phil must confront his fear of the dark and go in the crawlspace under the house with Luke. Meanwhile, Mitchell and Cameron are upset when Lily's first word is 'Mommy', Haley takes her driving test, and Gloria tries to help Manny over his fear of rollercoasters.
Quote from Jay
Manny: What if I fall out?
Gloria: I will catch you.
Jay: That's not possible. He would crush you.
Manny: What if I throw up?
Gloria: I will clean it up. It wouldn't be the first time.
Jay: Geez, these are new shoes.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: Vamos, Jay.
Jay: No, I'm not going on that. That's bad for my back.
Gloria: Your back is fine.
Jay: I got an inner-ear thing.
Gloria: Oh, please. Don't tell me you're scared too.
Jay: Scared? What is this "scared" stuff? What am I, a child? I'm not scared.
Gloria: You see? You're the worst liar.
Manny: Well, if he's not going, I'm not going.
Gloria: Oh, for God's sake, fine! I'll go alone. Here. Take my girlie purse and you my floppy hat, and if you need it, there's the ladies' room.
Manny: I'm not man enough to fight this. Here. Hold my purse.
Jay: Oh, hell!
Quote from Claire
Alex: What's taking them so long?
Claire: I don't know. The only reason I'm not panicking is I haven't seen a giant geyser.
Quote from Alex
Claire: You know, honey, I think I know why you don't wanna go tonight.
Alex: Because school dances are lame?
Claire: No. 'Cause you don't know how to dance.
Alex: That's not it.
Claire: I can help you with that. Come on. Come on.
Alex: Oh, God, no. No, Mom.
Claire: Oh, yeah. Back in the day, I was quite the dancer. [dance]s
Alex: Oh, my God. You and Dad together suddenly makes so much sense.
Quote from Alex
Alex: Please, stop. I know how to dance. I just don't wanna be part of that freak show.
Claire: Sweetheart, you're a beautiful girl. Someone will ask you to dance.
Alex: I know that. It's just stupid.
Claire: Somebody will ask you.
Alex: Why do you keep saying that?
Claire: Somebody will ask you.
Alex: But what if they don't?
Claire: Honey, if they don't, then you do the exact same thing I told your sister, okay? Take three deep breaths and relax.
Alex: Even the advice I get is a hand-me-down.
Quote from Haley
Haley: Mom, I did it! I passed!
Claire: Oh!
Alex: Oh, my God!
Haley: I got my license!
Claire: Congratulations!
Haley: I have my license! I got my license!
Claire: Car's not in "park."
Haley: Oh. Oops. [brake lever clicks]
Claire: You better run to that counter.
Alex: Go. Right now.
Claire: Run! Run!
Quote from Phil
Phil: What the heck. We're down here. Why don't we see what we got, huh?
Luke: Yeah.
Phil: Two intrepid explorers make their way on a journey- [both scream]
Luke: Dead bodies! [screaming]
[aside to camera:]
Phil: We called the police and got a bunch of detectives over. Turns out it was the last owner's Halloween decorations, which is pretty funny. Least I thought it was.
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: When you squeeze the doll, it says "Mommy."
Mitchell: Did-Did you know that-
Cameron: Not a clue.
Mitchell: The doll says "Mommy."
Cameron: The doll says "Mommy."
Mitchell: The doll says "Mommy."