‘Do Not Push’
Season 6, Episode 2 - Aired October 1, 2014
Jay and Gloria don't see eye to eye on what kind of wedding anniversary present to give each other. When the Dunphys head to Caltech for Alex's college tour, Claire is pushing hard for her daughter to attend school close to home. Meanwhile, Phil, Luke and Haley learn more about themselves when they sign up for a psychology experiment. Elsewhere, Mitchell and Cameron take a new family portrait with Lily.
Quote from Manny
Gloria: Where were you?
Manny: Consoling Jay. That bunny wasn't the only thing you shattered, lady. When you first started dating him, what was his nickname for you?
Gloria: Sexy pants.
Manny: Ew. The other one.
Quote from Gloria
Manny: There was no bracelet. The bunny was the present.
Gloria: That?
Manny: He made it for you himself.
Gloria: No.
Manny: In a pottery class he's been taking for weeks.
Gloria: No!
Manny: And you smashed it on the counter. And he was too embarrassed to say anything.
Gloria: No! I can't take it! Glue! Okay, give me glue! I need glue! [drops it again] Ay, make it stop!
Quote from Phil
Luke: Wait. So now we're not pushing the button?
Phil: No. We're supporting Haley.
Luke: For the rest of your life.
Phil: That is not helpful. We need to stick together. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [to the mirror] That's what this test is. It's not about whether we push the button or don't push the button. You want to find out if this unites us or divides us. Let's join hands and send these sons of bitches and their filthy monkey a message! ... Feels good.
Luke: Wait a minute. How are they gonna know we're sending them a message if we're not doing anything?
Phil: That's true.
Haley: We have to hit that button.
Phil: Damn straight.
Quote from Phil
Researcher: Who did that?
Phil: We did as a family.
Researcher: Did you not see the sign? Now the AC won't shut off. We have to call a guy.
Phil: Oh, I'm sorry. Is this what if, uh...
Researcher: Yeah, building full of scientists and no one thought to push the button twice. Please use number 2 pencils.
Haley: [lifting the mirror] Yeah, just wall.
Phil: So this is the test.
Quote from Manny
Gloria: So, is that the rose gold bracelet that I wanted?
Jay: Dynamite piece of jewelry. And that watch- Is that the ceramic with the 10-day, uh, power reserve?
Gloria: Of course. It's so sexy, that watch.
Jay: Yeah, the matte finish doesn't always catch the sun and blind you like this one.
Gloria: It's so interesting, 'cause I love shiny things on my wrist.
Manny: Oh, for God sakes, just keep the stupid gifts.
Quote from Claire
Mitchell: [on the phone] Hey, it's me. I think Cam and I made a huge mistake.
Claire: Oh, I get it. Marriage is tough. Just take a deep breath and go flirt with somebody at the grocery store.
Mitchell: No, about Lily. We're trying to take this new family picture, and she's doing this weird smile thing-
Claire: And you said something?
Mitchell: Uh, well, let's- Let's just say Cam did.
Claire: First of all, all kids go through this. You should see every picture we have of Luke from third grade. He looks like he's mid-sneeze, which is a shame, 'cause I was having a great boob year.
Mitchell: What did you do?
Claire: I think it might've been the birth control I was taking, but...
Quote from Alex
Alex: Well, I guess this is it, M.I.T.
Jay: Uh, when you visit Boston, look me up Darling.
Alex: Okay, sweetie.
Jay: Uh, t-that's my last name. Jason Darling.
Alex: Oh, well, Alex Dunphy. "P-H" not "F", "Y" not "E-E". "D-U-N-P-H" Why am I still talking?
Quote from Alex
Claire: Listen, honey, I am so sorry about pushing so hard earlier. If anyone is able to make a smart decision about where to go to school, it's you. Even if that school is all the way on the other side of the country.
Alex: Actually, there's a lot to like here.
Claire: Really?! That's cool. Whatever.
[aside to camera:]
Claire: I guess there's somebody around here she's not ready to say goodbye to.
[aside to camera:]
Alex: He friended me!
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: Okay, come on, we have something to show you.
Lily: Is it dinner, or is my mouth too ugly to put food in?
Cameron: Okay, no. And please don't say things like that about yourself.
Lily: You picked one?
Cameron: We sure did, and we're sorry we made you feel bad. We just weren't used to your new smile, but now we are, and we love it!
Mitchell: Yes, it's beautiful, and you're beautiful, and we don't want to change a single thing about you.
Cameron: Except maybe your underpants.
Lily: [laughs]
Cameron: Okay, where did that laugh come from?
Mitchell: I don't know, but it's gotta go.