Mitchell: Rob Lowe!
All: Where?
Mitchell: No. Rob Lowe from St. Elmo's Fire. That was- That was my crush. I loved him.
Jay: I get that. He's a good-looking kid.
Mitchell: Right?
Jay: Yeah.

Jay: Hey, "Walk Like a Man."
Pepper: Well, I can sing it, but I can't do it. [sings the high-pitched intro] I think I just pulled something.
Jay: Nurse!

Jay: [answering phone] Yeah.
Pepper: Yeah? Woof. Not a morning person. Good to know. Listen, I'm five away. I hope you like blueberry scones and Dusty Springfield.
Jay: Who is this?
Pepper: Pepper, silly. It's gonna be a scorcher in the desert today, so dress accordingly. Oh, this is your street. See you in a minute.

Jay: [on the phone] Holy crap! That friend of yours, that Pepper he's on his way over here. Why?
Mitchell: Well, you made a date with him last night. Don't you remember?
Jay: I think I would remember if I made a date with a guy!
[flashback:]
Pepper: I'm telling you, I know a guy in Palm Springs who has every single vintage record known to man. I'm driving out there tomorrow. Come with me!
Jay: It's a date!
Pepper: Yay!
[back:]
Jay: I was drunk! I'm not going shopping with Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
Mitchell: Okay, Dad. Well, I'm feeling really good about our relationship and I wanna hold onto that for a little while longer. So I'm gonna go ahead and hang up with you. Give Pepper a big kiss for me.

Claire: Alex, honey, come on. We're gonna be late.
Alex: A herd of cows dropped dead for no reason. I'm not going anywhere. Get your affairs in order, people. This is the end.

Mitchell: [aside to camera] People can surprise you. You get used to thinking of them one way, stuck in their roles. They are what they are. And then they do something that shows you there's all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed.
Cameron: Are you talking about Rob Lowe?
Mitchell: I'm just saying he's a very versatile actor. I think his good looks have actually held him back.
Cameron: Well, I can relate to that.

Cameron: Haley!
Haley: We need to talk. I know I freaked out on you last night, but you have to see it from my point of view. You were totally spying on me.
Cameron: I know.
Haley: You were invading my First Amendment right to privacy.
Cameron: We were.
Haley: I'm sick and tired of people not trusting me!
Cameron: I get it.
Haley: And especially you guys. I don't think of you guys as my uncles. I think of you as my friends. And if your friends don't believe in you, then what else do you have?
Cameron: Dylan's shoes.
Haley: Please don't tell my mom.
Cameron: Buckle up.

Jay: But Pepper's gonna be here any second. He's gonna take me to Palm Springs to go shopping for records. Now, when he gets here, can you pretend there's some kind of an emergency? Can you do that, please?
Gloria: [anguished] Ay, Jay. I- I think you have to take me now to the hospital. My head is in pain. [normally] Do you mean like that?
Jay: Yes. Thank you. Okay. It's showtime. And with this guy, I mean that literally.

Jay: Gloria, now listen. I know that you're upset with me about that concert thing and rightfully so, but you have to help me.
Gloria: What is it?
Jay: It seems I made plans with Mitchell's friend Pepper.
Gloria: That's someone's name? Pepper?
Jay: Yes. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's another guy named Longinus.

Jay: Mmm. These are good. What's in 'em?
Longinus: It's a margarita with a shot of absinthe.
Pepper: Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Crispin: Ah, are you making a bad pun or just lisping?
Pepper: I can't believe I drove all the way to the Valley to pick you up.
Jay: Justin, more booze!