Mitchell: Dad, I've never seen you sing before.
Jay: Well, you never saw me in the shower. And don't anybody go there.

Luke: Thanks a lot, Walt. You couldn't be nice to my parents for two seconds so now I'm not allowed to hang out with you.
Mr. Kleezak: What do you want from me?
Luke: I thought you were my friend. You promised to teach me how to grow tomatoes. And you were gonna take me for an egg cream.
Mr. Kleezak: Forget it. You're a little kid. I don't need the aggravation.
Luke: Oh. Sorry I "aggravated" you. And just so you know, a lot of people think I'm adorable.

Jay: I can't open this.
Gloria: Maybe if you had gone to the concert instead-
Jay: Could you open it, please?
Gloria: I would. But I'm old enough to know that I don't like opening aspirin bottles.

Pepper: I'm here! Oh, my God! What I could do with this house. Hello, Jay. Chop, chop. It's a two-hour drive not counting our stop at the outlet mall.
Jay: Okay. Uh, Gloria, we're leaving!
Gloria: Hello. You must be Pepper. [anguished] Ay, ay, ay. My head.
Jay: What's the matter, Gloria?
Gloria: Nothing. I just had a little ice cream.
Jay: Huh?
Gloria: He hasn't stopped talking about you all day long.

Pepper: Wow. You are stunning. How rich are you?
Jay: Are you sure you're all right, Gloria?
Gloria: I feel great, mi amor. I am so happy that he's doing this with you because I never get him to do anything different. Like the Vivaldi. Hmm. I think he likes you more than me. You two have a great time together.
Jay: All right, but we gotta be back early because, you know, I got that work thing.
Gloria: No, no. I canceled everything. You don't have anything. You can spend all day long with him.

Pepper: Oh, my God. Tallulah! Oh! Don't worry. She'll stop yapping when she gets on your lap.

Claire: Mr. Kleezak.
Mr. Kleezak: I'm not used to waking up with people poking me. I was startled, you know.
Claire: We are really sorry about that.
Mr. Kleezak: Yeah. Well, these are onions. From my garden.
Phil: Wow. Thank you so much. That is so nice.
Mr. Kleezak: Yeah. Well, don't go throwing any parades. They're onions.

Mr. Kleezak: I used to be a fireman, you know. I don't hurt kids.
Claire: Sir, would you like to come in?
Mr. Kleezak: Just tell the boy that Shane is on today at 3:00. He should watch it.
Claire: Maybe you could tell him yourself. He- He's right upstairs. Hang on. Luke, honey, come on down. Your friend Walt is here.
Phil: This is just so sweet.
Mr. Kleezak: Yeah. Well, just don't start dancing.