‘Australia’
Season 5, Episode 20 - Aired April 23, 2014
The whole family heads down under when Phil follows his mom's wish for him to return to the country where he was conceived. Unfortunately, Phil is in for a rough ridge as he tries to embrace all Australia has to offer. Meanwhile, Jay and Claire let work interrupt their vacation, and Mitchell and Cameron run into an old friend who's made it big on Australian TV.
Quote from Manny
Luke: I lost my bathing suit! Manny, help me find it!
Manny: I don't have my nose plug!
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: I cannot believe they let us in here. How famous are you?
Fergus: Well, sometimes, I feel like I'm the one in the zoo. Only difference between me and this guy is I won't pee on you. Right? Seriously, they will pee on you.
Cameron: Oh, for real? He will pee on us?
Quote from Lily
Lily: Where's the next gift shop?
Alex: I cannot look at another souvenir, Lily. You did this.
Haley: Lily, relax. You'll find the perfect one.
Lily: I want to believe you, but that lifeguard was the cutest boy I've ever seen.
Haley: I know.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Jay, I miss you. And besides, I don't know that I can keep Phil safe anymore. I think he's going to die here.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Oh, it's Fergus.
Cameron: What? Why did he text you and not me?
Mitchell: He invited us to a party today on Hugh Jackman's yacht.
Cameron: What?! Not today! No! I want to meet Hugh Jackman!
Mitchell: I do, too. I do, too. But, you know, w-we can't bail on my family again. That makes us complete star you-know-what-ers.
Quote from Alex
Alex: [recording] Walking the paths once trod by the first Australians has made me... what?
Haley: Unbearable?
Quote from Jay
Jay: I just got a text from Earl at closets, closets, closets-
Claire: I know what it's called, Dad.
Jay: Listen to this "Better luck next time. Ha ha." He always knows what to say to get my goat.
Quote from Mitchell
Fergus: Oh, guys. Thank God you're here. Just had the worst fight with Hugh.
Cameron: Oh, no. What happened?
Fergus: I took a shot at Russell Crowe in "Les Mis." Hugh took offense.
Cameron: Oh, well, he has to know Russell was horribly miscast.
Mitchell: He has to know. It's not his fault.
Cameron: It's not his fault.
Mitchell: He was the acting was fine, but...
Quote from Phil
Gloria: Are you okay, Phil?
Phil: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just wish Claire was here to see all this. Plus, my foot's twice its normal size, and the mosquitoes are really going after my jellyfish bites.
Quote from Phil
Gloria: You wanted to see a kangaroo, and now you see one. I think this is your mother trying to tell you that the rest of the trip is going to be magical, Phil.
Phil: That is so my mom, to say it with a kangaroo.