‘Australia’
Season 5, Episode 20 - Aired April 23, 2014
The whole family heads down under when Phil follows his mom's wish for him to return to the country where he was conceived. Unfortunately, Phil is in for a rough ridge as he tries to embrace all Australia has to offer. Meanwhile, Jay and Claire let work interrupt their vacation, and Mitchell and Cameron run into an old friend who's made it big on Australian TV.
Quote from Luke
Manny: What is this? Not one topless woman.
Luke: Calm down. You're gonna spook the boobs.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: What time did you wake up?
Jay: 5 am. Claire has an incredible work ethic. She's like a young me.
Claire: Ohhh!
Jay: Yung-mi was our accountant from Korea. Died at her desk.
Quote from Phil
Tour Guide: Now, if we're lucky, we'll see some of Australia's more famous indigenous species: kangaroo, dingoes, koala.
Phil: Quick question.
Tour Guide: Oh, good another one.
Phil: Isn't it true that baby kangaroos, or Joeys, are born without hind legs?
Tour Guide: Yes. Once again, you've correctly answered your own question.
Quote from Phil
Gloria: How dumb do they think we are?
Phil: Sometimes, Claire leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: I'm so nervous. Are we gonna see Hugh Jackman in a bathing suit? What do we say to Hugh Jackman in a bathing suit?
Cameron: Oh, my God. It's so big.
Mitchell: That's a bit direct, but, you know, he might be flattered. Oh. You're talking about the boat.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: Okay, let's get on this boat and fix this. Come on.
Cameron: Yep. Fix it.
Fergus: That's not the boat. They've already gone. Hugh was standing on his deck in a skimpy, little bathing suit, disappointed look on his face.
Mitchell: Wait. I'm s- wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Skimpy?
Cameron: I'm sorry, standing on his what?
Fergus: On his deck.
Cameron: Of the boat. Got it.
Quote from Haley
Lily: Ooh! This one!
Haley: Thank God. Hurry up and buy it.
Lily: Wait. What if there's a better one later? Let's keep looking.
Haley: No, no, no! You are buying that. You're never gonna find anything better. I never found a hotter lifeguard, okay? This is perfect, and it is right in front of you. Here. Thanks.
Hot Guy: Hey. I really love your accent.
Haley: Wow. Thank you.
Lily: [to shop keeper] I would like to return this.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: No, Cam, we deserve this. We deserted our family, we abandoned our daughter, and for what? Huh? We're not just star you-know-what-ers. We're you-know-what-holes!
Cameron: You know Lily's not here, right?
Quote from Alex
Claire: Phil! A wild dog took my laptop!
Alex: Seems like a missed opportunity.
Quote from Luke
Manny: Penny for your thoughts?
Luke: Boobs.
Manny: Me too! What's our problem? I freaked out when those things came at us.
Luke: I think I could've handled one, but they ganged up on me.