Malcolm: Hey, Mom, I...
Lois: Did you find your father?
Malcolm: No. I-I wasn't...
Lois: Well, it doesn't matter. I went through his wallet when we passed the state line. Let's see how much damage he can do with $20 and a library card.
Malcolm: Okay, look, since you're obviously too caught up in playing the martyr here to even listen to an apology, you've forced me to go out and get these. They're for that stupid Boone Vincent guy. We're going together. [to camera] Hey, that came out better than I thought.
Lois: VIP seats?!

Dewey: Hi, my name is Dewey and this is my...
Judge: Good Lord! What have you done to this poor animal? In all my years of judging rabbits, this is the uncutest thing I have ever seen. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Lois: [celebrates in background] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my...!

Otto: Help us! We have fallen down a well and we can't get out! If there is anyone up there who is just very shy, do not worry! We are not judgmental! As a matter of fact, when I was a little boy...
Francis: Otto, please! No one can hear you. This is not productive. Can we just... Can we think for a second? [sighs] Don't you ever blink?
Otto: Maybe I blink at the precise moment that you blink!
Francis: That is ridiculous! How could you possibly know that?
Otto: Why don't you spend less time worrying about my blinking and more time fencing up wells! Germans hate dying in wells!
Francis: Fine! If you are so unhappy with the work I do around here, then I quit! Imagine I stormed off!
Otto: I did.

Lois: Oh, my God. I can't believe it. We're going to see Boone Vincent. Look at these seats! This is incredible!
Gladys: Another Boone-a-tic, I see.
Lois: The Bad Boone Rising tour, were you there?
Gladys: I had floor seats when he had his first heart attack.
Lois: These are my sons. This is Malcolm and this is Jamie.
Gladys: Oh, my Joey is here with me, too. Maybe the boys can sit together.
Joey: [sits down] Two apricot sours.

Dewey: Have you ever had a dream that didn't come true?
Crystal: Surprisingly, no.
Reese: Dewey, where have you been?
Dewey: Hi, Reese. This is Crystal.
Reese: It turns out we had Gordo in the wrong category. We had him in the pet rabbit competition, when he should have been in the market rabbit competition. I took him over there, and he won first place!
Dewey: What?
Reese: Some guy named Chez Richard bought him for $1.90 a pound. We made like 150 bucks!
Dewey: Chez Richard?! That's the restaurant! How could you do that?! They're going to kill him and eat him! Don't you understand? He was my best friend in the whole world!
Reese: Mine, too.
Crystal: It's all right, sugar. My best friend got killed in a restaurant. You'll get over it eventually.

Security Guard: Mr. Vincent appreciates your enthusiasm. He wonders if you'd like to come backstage and meet him.
Lois: Oh, my...
Joey: Oh, my God, you get to see the "Booney Bin!"
Lois: I bet you won't be too embarrassed to tell your friends about this.

Hal: 90,000 slot machines and not one of them right. I am never trusting a prophetic dream again.

Lois: Thanks again, Malcolm. Don't tell your father, but meeting Boone Vincent actually made my knees...
Malcolm: Aah! [covers ears] No-no-no-no-no-no...

Lois: Hal, what is the matter?
Hal: It's fate, Lois! I knew this would happen! I couldn't tell you because I knew you would be too closed-minded. I cashed in our life insurance for this, but it all paid off! We are rich!
Lois: You did what?!
Woman: Congratulations, sir.
Hal: What's this?
Woman: It's a coupon for a two-night stay at the Carson City Breezeway Motel. All you have to do is listen to a four-hour presentation about a wonderful time-share opportunity.
Hal: Do they have slot machines in Carson City?

Dewey: Come on, Gordo. You have to eat the pellets. You can't have any fattening food anymore.
Reese: Please, Gordo, you've got to try one... Ow! I cut my finger.
Dewey: He's eating. I think he likes your blood.
Reese: Okay, if I black out, pull my finger out of his mouth.