Lois: OK, let me get this straight. We have been waiting all afternoon for a crane. And now, the crane is here.
Man: That's right.
Lois: And the man who works the crane, he's here too!
Man: That's right.
Lois: Then why is nothing happening?!
Man: Look, we can't touch anything, until the investigators sign off on the accident report.
Lois: Yeah, but they must have been done hours ago. Where are they?
Man: That's a whole another department. It's really not my job to know.
Lois: [quietly yells] Start... the... crane.
Man: You can't tell me what to do.

Eric: Ha! Looks like the human body can only accept 96 quacks. Check and mate.
Joe: Come on, Francis, just four more. You can do it.
Francis: Can't... quacks... dying.
Finley: Hey, no one said he had to eat all the quacks. They just have to be inside his body, right? [murmurs of agreement]
[Francis stuffs a few more quacks in his mouth and swallows]
Finley: He did it, 100 quacks!
Eric: You got hard.
Finley: Hey, way to go, Francis! Man, that was way cooler than the time Davis did a thousand sit-ups.
Eric: Impossible. I mean, Davis is in pretty good shape but a thousand sit-ups? You're just begging for a double hernia.
Finley: And it's that kind of small-minded thinking that keeps you from recognizing true greatness.

Malcolm: You know, I was thinking, maybe sometime we can do something. If you... [sees license plate] You're from Canada?
Jessica: We're here on vacation.
Malcolm: Why didn't you tell me?
Jessica: Because then you would have spent the whole day grousing.
Malcolm: I knew this was too good to be true. I mean, why should I get to meet someone who's smart, funny, not a Krelboyne not a member of my family?
Jessica: But we did meet, Malcolm, and it was awesome. You know, it's OK to enjoy something even if it's just for a little while. Come on, we had fun.
Malcolm: No, we didn't.
Jessica: You just said we did.
Malcolm: That was before I knew this was all a big waste of time.

Malcolm: That... was so... much... fun! Who would have thought a traffic jam would be so cool? We should totally do this again. When are we going on another road trip? Oh, how about next week?