Jackie: [on cell phone] No, Daddy, this is not my fault, I'm just a passenger. How is this making you look like a chump? I'm the one- Hold on. [switches line] Hello? No! No, I'm on the other line. If you wanna talk to him so bad , use the bullhorn thingy! [switches line] Hi, I'm back. No, I was not talking to Mom, it was the- Daddy, I don't care who she's- No, I will not tell her! You have to stop putting me in- Go ahead. You know what, go ahead, cancel the card, cancel all my cards! I'm gonna be in this car for the rest of my life, anyway. [hangs up]
Reese: OK, I've got an idea.
Jackie: What?
Reese: There's a railroad crossing about a mile ahead. If we jump out a split second before the train squashes the car, we can start new lives as circus people.
Jackie: Reese, come on, this is getting scary. What are you gonna do? [low fuel light comes on]
Negotiator: [over bullhorn] "This is your last warning. Pull over or you will be forced from the road."
Reese: Jackie, I have to tell you something. Just because I hate you doesn't mean I'm not sorry.
Jackie: What?
Reese: I didn't mean to get you into this! It's just that- I'm not- You know, I'm not very smart. So when I get in trouble, I panic, and then I do things that make it worse. I'm really sorry. And your dad is a tool.
Jackie: Hey, I was just kidding about the kidnapping thing. You have enough to worry about without me being a jerk about it, right?
Reese: Wait a second! Jackie, gimme your phone! I have a brother who's a total genius, he'll know what to do.

Francis: [on the phone] How many police cars are chasing you?
Reese: I don't know, eight, maybe nine. What are we gonna do? There's no way out of this.
Francis: Hey, don't give up. Sometimes things look their darkest right before the sun breaks through. [Francis's colleagues walk in] And sometimes you just have to realize that the game is over and that you've lost. [more colleagues walk in] The- The only left thing to do is to stop running, stand up and face the consequences like a man. And- [even more colleagues walk in] And even if the outcome is more horrible than you could've imagined, you can hold your head up high, show some class and end it with dignity.
Reese: Class?
Francis: For the love of God, not the-

Malcolm: Look, he's pulling over.
Hal: I think he's gonna parallel park.
Police Officer: No way.
Malcolm: The spot is way too small.
Hal: He's going too fast and he hasn't given himself enough space on the right.
Malcolm: He did it.
Lois: Now just get out of the damn car, please.

Dewey: Give 'em a reason, give 'em a reason!
News Reporter: [on TV] The suspect appears to be resisting. Oh, looks like they're taking out the pepper spray.
Reese: [screams on TV]

Malcolm: [to camera] It's weird. Reese suddenly doesn't seem as irritating as he used to. It's amazing what a driver's licence can do for a relationship!

Reese: Slide over.
Jackie: No way! [Reese belches in her face] Ugh! [sits in the driver's seat] I at least get to drive back to the stupid school. I'm not going home without at least touching the steering wheel. [smash]
Reese: What was that?!
Jackie: You crashed!
Reese: No, I didn't. The car's not even in drive!
Jackie: Yeah, well, you're behind the wheel, what are you gonna do now, hotshot?
Woman: I'm so sorry, I-
Reese: [drives off] Aaarrrggghhh!

Pete: Pierre, your identical American cousin is in a heap of trouble.
Francis: [with a mustache] Oui.

Malcolm: Oh, no! [to camera] Now they're never gonna let me drive!

Malcolm: Why do we have to get dressed like this? It's Reese's hearing!
Lois: Because when the judge looks over at us, I want him to see that Reese comes from a respectable family that loves him very much!
Dewey: Why aren't they trying him as an adult?