Reese: Look at it. It was just dirty. The paint job's perfect.
Malcolm: And all it needs is a spark plug and a carburetor and it'll be working. We can get that stuff off Dad's lawnmower.
Reese: This minibike is the coolest thing we've ever had in our lives. This totally makes up for all the years of crap.
Dewey: This is the only thing we've ever shared.
Reese: This is the only thing we've had that's worth sharing.

Reese: The first thing I'm gonna do is go down to Principal Littledove's house and cut donuts on his front lawn.
Malcolm: Okay, why don't you take it tomorrow and Wednesday and I'll take it on...
Reese: Excuse me?
Malcolm: What?
Reese: What are you doing?
Malcolm: Nothing, I'm just making up a schedule.
Reese: Why do you get to make up the schedule?
Malcolm: What's the problem? I'm giving you the first day.
Reese: So what? You're not the boss of everyone.

Spangler: The award for the best history essay by a junior or sophomore goes to... Cadet Eric.
Hal: Congratulations.
Eric's Dad #1: Thanks. We're so proud of our Eric.
Eric's Dad #2: We're the luckiest dads in the world.
Francis: It was a great essay. I had a shot at the "C" till he screwed up the curve.

Hal: They sure are giving out a lot of awards, huh?
Francis: Yeah, I'm sorry. This is just ridiculous. He gives these things out like candy.
Spangler: And now the award for the cadet who has shown the most improvement. This young lad came to Marlin as a delinquent jack-a-ninny without the slightest sign of potential. And yet, in a mere year and a half, he has started to turn himself around. He's not all the way there yet, but he is on the path to becoming an outstanding member of the Marlin family. I proudly present... Cadet Gordie.

Dewey: I want it! I want it! I hate you! I want it! I wish I was dead! [screams]

Craig: I don't know, Lois. The boys sound pretty reasonable to me.
Lois: Stay out of this, Craig.
Craig: Hey! I live here, too, don't I? [to Jellybean] Sorry, baby.

Malcolm: Mom's just doing this 'cause she can't stand that we were actually working together.
Reese: I know. Fixing that bike up was the best time we ever had.
Dewey: I never wanted it to end.
Reese: Yeah. We were a perfect team.
Malcolm: We still are. The three of us, we're going to work together and find a way to beat her.
Dewey: She's going down.
Malcolm: Hey... wait a minute.

Reese: I don't remember if we're hating each other or liking each other, but either way I appreciate this.
[Malcolm holds an ice pack on Reese's swollen leg]
Malcolm: Ah, it's been two hours, Reese. The swelling isn't going down.
Dewey: Look, you can see his heartbeat.
Malcolm: Oh, man. We really need to get you to the hospital.
Reese: We can't! Mom will kill us if she finds out about the bike.
Malcolm: This isn't about the bike! We're screwed for the next five years on anything we'd like to do. There's got to be some way we can get you to the hospital before she finds out. Then we could come up with a cover story.
Reese: Could you handle that? Because I'm going to scream into my pillow for the next five minutes.
Malcolm: There's got to be some way we can do this. [opens door]
Craig: Have you seen Jellybean's sweater?