Otto: He is here! Everyone, act normal! Welcome to the Grotto.
Charles Cutler: Ah, the Grotto. Upon entering, one wonders which of the five senses is most brutally violated.
Otto: Did you have a nice drive up? [offers hand]
Charles Cutler: Sight and smell immediately burst into the lead as the obsequious innkeeper offers his sweaty slab of a hand like a bear taught to be friendly in hopes of a sugar cube.
Francis: Mr. Cutler, if you would just give us a chance...
Charles Cutler: And the pleading vultures immediately begin to circle. Their outlet mall attire creating such a vortex of misery that one loses the strength to even ask for a parking validation.
Piama: I'll take that for you, sir.
Charles Cutler: In a pathetic nod to diversity, they trot out the token native employee.
Francis: Uh, that's my wife.
Charles Cutler: Not content to merely ruin the vacations of a single generation, some of the employees decide to mate and breed. The mind reels, the thought of an endless stream of baboon-like hoteliers spewed out of the loins of the...
[cut to a bloody and bruised Charles Cutler laying on a stretcher:]
Francis: Otto, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. It was like someone else was punching him.
Otto: Yeah, it was me.
Piama: Here's some of his hair if you need to put it on ice or something.
Charles Cutler: One recalls fiercer butt-kickings meted out on a preschool playground. The wounds are superficial, the bruising patterns unpersuasive. And never before has one seen such a grotesque ceiling. And frankly, blue is not your...

Hal: Hey, there's Mr. Curtis! See, he's using Pete the muffin guy as a human shield.

Hal: Hey. Enough is enough. Look, I want you to go out and buy a new washer and dryer.
Lois: You know we can't afford that.
Hal: Look, I wasn't going to say anything yet, but you know all those crappy stock options I've been getting instead of bonuses? Well, I think they're finally going to be worth something. There have been people flying back and forth to New York and all these closed-door meetings. I think that merger is finally going through.
Lois: Oh, Hal, that would be wonderful.

Malcolm: Mr. Herkabe, you still haven't given me my term project. I've been asking you every day for a month.
Mr. Herkabe: Malcolm, you make it sound like I'm trying to sabotage your impeccable grade-point average.
Malcolm: Please just give me something so I can get started.
Mr. Herkabe: All right, tell you what. Why don't you come by my office at lunch and I'll give you your assignment.
Malcolm: Your office?
Mr. Herkabe: Why is everybody so afraid of my office?

Lois: Hi, Dewey. How was school?
Dewey: Good. Great. I was definitely there. Eight times five... 40.

Lois: [on the phone] Well, who was at the meeting?
Hal: Everybody. People have been running in and out of the boardroom all day. No, I've just been playing Tetris.

Hal: It's unbelievable. The whole company is under investigation. They used the pension fund to buy a recording studio for the CEO's girlfriend.
Lois: Oh, Hal, this is horrible. Okay, okay. Don't worry about this. We're going to figure this out somehow. [dials phone] Hello, Gene, it's Lois. Order 387669289-1... I'm afraid I have to cancel.

Mr. Herkabe: It's extraordinary footage.
Malcolm: Yeah, but I only got it by doing something totally dishonest. I'm not doing this anymore.
Mr. Herkabe: What? Why would you stop now when you could go so much deeper?
Malcolm: He took me to his wishing hole.
Mr. Herkabe: Malcolm, he wants to talk to you. Be his friend.
Malcolm: He trusted me, and I exploited him.
Mr. Herkabe: That's called being a good interviewer.
Malcolm: It's called being a liar. He's my brother.
Mr. Herkabe: I'm not giving you another assignment.
Malcolm: Fine. I'll just make up the class in summer school. But I quit.

Dewey: Mom, Dad, I have a question about school. Let's say you're making a lot of money. I mean, so much money that the idea of going to school is...
Hal: You have to go to school.
Dewey: But what if you're already making, like, $400 or $500 a week?
Lois: Yeah, Dewey, you start making $400 or $500 a week, you can quit school.
Dewey: Okay.

Dewey: What are you doing? [vase smashes] [Hal gasps]
Lois: Oh, my God! Look at all this money. Hal, when did you hide this in here?
Hal: I don't remember. It must have been years ago. Is this my Jet Ski fund?
Lois: No, no. We used that to get the remote control out of Reese.
Hal: There's got to be like a thousand dollars!
Dewey: $1,473.
Lois: Who cares what it's from! Thank God it's here!
Hal: You're a part of this moment, son. Here, buy yourself a pack of baseball cards. [chuckles]