‘Malcolm Films Reese’
Season 5, Episode 5 - Aired November 30, 2003
Mr. Herkabe gives Malcolm an assignment to film covert footage of a deviant mind... Reese. Hal is hopeful things are turning around at work when the washer-dryer needs replacing. Meanwhile, Otto is upset by a negative review of the Grotto, and Dewey earns money by becoming a street performer.
Quote from Stevie
Mr. Herkabe: No, no, no! 16 weeks of Intermediate Psychology, and you can't classify a simple test case? I thought at least your ears were functional, Kenarban.
Stevie: I know... castration complex... when I see it.
Quote from Stevie
Malcolm: I have to talk to Herkabe for a second. Will you wait up?
Stevie: Got gym. Have to change... my tires.
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Mr. Herkabe: [over P.A.] A reminder, class officer ballots can be picked up at the registrar's office. JV basketball practice will again be held in the auxiliary gym. Oh, and Patty Lin committed a Code Nine in the library and is hereby suspended. [hits glockenspiel] I trust the stick of gum was worth it.
Quote from Otto
Otto: The newspaper is here. The newspaper is here. The newspaper is here.
Piama: You know those come out every day, right?
Otto: No, no, today is the day our review appears in the Lifestyle section. Charles Cutler himself came out. He only does the biggies. Francis, you read it. I'm too nervous.
Francis: "A visit to the Grotto raises many questions, foremost among them, 'How could a kind and loving God grant these monsters a hotel license?'"
Piama: "From the swinish cretins posing as staff members, up to and including cuisine that would embarrass an orphanage, the Grotto is quite simply the worst hotel in the history of the world."
Otto: I'm sorry. I was so nervous, I wasn't even listening. Start again.
Quote from Lois
Lois: [on the phone] The 4400 has the dual-speed rinse cycle? Mm-hmm. No. No, I placed my order four days ago. I just like talking about it.
Quote from Otto
Francis: Great. The Flagstaff Elks just canceled their convention here.
Piama: Who can blame them? That review was horrible.
Francis: Hey, Otto. How's it going? We going to get out of the robe today?
Otto: Innkeeper of the Year? Hmm. It is the lie of the century. [throws plaque in the fire]
Francis: Otto, what are you doing? You worked hard for that award.
Otto: What was that, Francis? I couldn't hear you over the crackle of my failure.
Quote from Stevie
Stevie: There are... 50 kinds... of negative... trans... ference. Starting with...
Mr. Herkabe: Well done, Stevie. I think we can all just fill in the blanks from there.
Quote from Lois
Lois: [to the washer and dryer] Well, it looks as if neither of us is going anywhere for a while. Perhaps I said some things that you may have taken the wrong way. Anyway, I bought you something. Name-brand fabric softener.
Quote from Reese
Malcolm: This is an official apology. I'm a terrible person and I'm sorry. What I did was horrible even by our standards. And let's face it, we've set the bar pretty low. Look, I'm begging you. Tell me what I can do to fix it, anything. Just, just say it and I'll do it.
Reese: Sure. Fly backwards around the Earth like Superman and turn back time to before I thought we liked each other.
Quote from Francis
Piama: I still can't believe you convinced the newspaper to give us another review.
Francis: Honey, you of all people know how persuasive I can be.
Piama: You cried.
Francis: Like a baby.