Jessica: Listen, Monday I need you to get your mom out of the house for a couple of hours after school. Take her to a chick flick or something. You should enjoy that.
Malcolm: What for?
Jessica: My boyfriend's coming over, and I'd like to have the house to ourselves, if you know what I mean.
Malcolm: What?!
Jessica: Oh, good, you do know what I mean. I wasn't sure with that whole chasm of loneliness crap.
Malcolm: You can't hook up in my house. I've never hooked up in my house.
Jessica: Okay, Malcolm, it's your decision. I'm just a little worried how your mom might react when she finds out that the only reason you've been opening up to her is to get her car.
Malcolm: That's not even true anymore. Anyway, you'd look just as bad.
Jessica: Malcolm, my dad's in jail, and I live on a couch. Looking bad isn't really a big motivator for me. Now, you owe me.
Malcolm: You'd really do it, wouldn't you?
Jessica: Knowing me... Yeah.
Malcolm: Fine, but I can't believe you're being like this. I thought you were helping me because you were my friend.
Jessica: Yeah, Malcolm? Save the girl talk for your mom.

Lois: Honestly, Hal, I haven't felt this close to Malcolm since he was four years old. [sighs] Did I tell you he's taking me to a movie tomorrow? I can't believe it. I mean, you put it out there, but you don't know whether it'll ever come back to you. And then, when it does, it's wonderful. It's worth all the crap you have to put up with.
Hal: [wearing a beekeeper's helmet] Our boy is growing up, Lois. I'm very proud of both of you.
Lois: Thanks, honey. Can you turn off the smoke now?
Hal: In a minute.

Malcolm: Jessica, I have to talk to you.
Jessica: Malcolm, what are you doing here? Where's Lois?
Malcolm: Still at the movies. [sighs] I told her everything. I couldn't hold it back from her. We were in the lobby, and I saw something that reminded me of how much she really loves me. This mom was holding up her son so he could get a drink of water, and I thought, "What kind of Mom lets their kid drink from a public drinking fountain?" She would have yelled at me about all the germs, and I thought about how much she really cares about me, and I couldn't hold it back.
Jessica: Malcolm, we'll talk about this later.
Malcolm: [sits between Jessica and Mike] It was horrible. I tried to explain that getting close to her started off as a way to use her, but... It turned into something real. But she didn't care. She was just too hurt. She said she didn't want to look at me anymore. And then she walked right out of Autumn Encounter and straight into Body Count III. It's too bad, because Autumn Encounter looked really good.
Mike: Can make myself a sandwich?
Jessica: Wait. Mike, this won't take long.
Malcolm: [whines] My mom used to make me sandwiches. Now she'll never make me sandwiches again. [sobs]

[Malcolm walks into the bathroom and finds Jessica shaving her arm pits]
Malcolm: Oh, sorry. I didn't- Sorry.
Jessica: It's no big deal, Malcolm. You know, one day you will be old enough to shave. Go.
Malcolm: Oh. Yeah, okay. [to camera] That's Jessica, our neighbor. Mom and Dad are letting her sleep on our couch for a week until her father's arraigned. Seems he got drunk Friday night, decided to track down her mom and tried to drive a street-sweeper to Mexico. She has some family issues.

Lois: [o.s.] Malcolm, Reese, Jessica, let's go.
[Reese gets out of bed fully clothed]
Malcolm: What are you doing?
Reese: Are you kidding? No way I'm letting Jessica get a look at the goods.
Lois: What is taking you boys so long?
Reese: Tell Sasquatch in there to give us a shot at the bathroom.

Malcolm: [to camera] Big deal. So I don't get the car to go to the book signing. Meeting your heroes is always such a disappointment, anyway.

Hal: [to a bee] Hey, survivor, huh? I guess you weren't around when Uncle Hal came a-knockin'. Oh, all right, all right. Let it go. War's over. [gasps] All right, knock it off! I mean it! Back off! I'm warning you! [runs inside] Your friends died like cowards!

Reese: [writing] "Day 23. "I'm out of food, "but I've never felt so focused and alive. I see everything now with crystal clarity that..." [falls asleep] [wakes up] "Day 24. I must be getting close. I can smell the docks."
[In the garage, Dewey has put a heater behind the crate and a plate of frozen fish with a fan blowing towards it. Dewey is shaking the box around as he eats an ice cream cone while wearing a nose clip.]

Hal: I know Mommy wanted us to go to the park. But why go outside where bad things want to hurt Daddy, when we can have just as much fun inside the house, right, Jamie? How about a nice shaving cream beard, huh? I did one last week at work, and everyone loved it.