Dewey: Is that a bee?
Hal: That is how you know it's fresh. You won't find any bees in your store-bought honey, I'll tell you that much.
Dewey: Where did this come from?
Hal: Spoils of war, Dewey. You know that beehive in the toolshed I've been battling for months? Victory is mine.
Dewey: You did it yourself? How'd you know how to do that?
Hal: It's instinctual. See, human beings were born with everything they need to destroy bees. Except the poison, you have to buy that.
Dewey: I feel kind of sorry for the bees, though.
Hal: It's survival of the fittest, Dewey. If they had won, they'd be spreading us on toast right now.

Reese: You can bite my American ass, Zhao Lee.
Dewey: What's that?
Reese: The school made us adopt pen pals from different countries. I got stuck with this loser from China.
Dewey: What's wrong with China?
Reese: It's not what you think, Dewey. He won't send you illegal fireworks or get your nunchucks autographed by the emperor. The guy's a total jerk. It started off with a simple request to apologize for Pearl Harbor. The guy wouldn't do it. He's so arrogant. When I draw squiggles, it's nonsense. When he does it, it's a language. I was so pissed. But then I thought, be the better man, and reason with the guy.
Dewey: "Do you want me to kick your butt? Check yes or no."
Reese: And there's his response. He couldn't even follow simple instructions.
Dewey: "You need help, Reese."
Reese: He thinks a whole planet between us is going to protect him. He thinks he's so smart. We'll see who's smart when I mail myself to China and kick his upside-down ass.

Reese: Six boxes of cereal, two gallons of milk, eight peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, adult diapers and Madlibs.
Dewey: You thought of everything.
Reese: And I also packed some barbells so I can get there in fighting shape.
Dewey: They look like soup cans.
Reese: You noticed. See, there's a lot of things that serve two purposes. Like my pillow. It's stuffed with M&M's so I can sleep and snack from the same source. It's the same way NASA designed the old space capsules.
Dewey: The very same.