Lois: Boys, I want to talk to your father alone.
Reese: So, you've got a bedroom. We're eating. [off Lois's look] Just kidding, we're leaving.

Dewey: Mom, Dad, guess what. The Tooth Fairy came.
Lois: He did?
Hal: Oh! So what'd he give you, a couple dollars?
Dewey: I got a rock and half a stick of gum.
Lois: Malcolm! Reese!

Dewey: This corner of my waffle's still frozen.
Lois: Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I had to put Francis' waffle on top, and that toaster oven just isn't big enough.
Dewey: It's your fault my waffle's frozen?
Francis: Sorry. [gives Dewey his waffle]

Lois: Hey! Look at the sexy professor!
Malcolm: Dad, you're bringing all that junk to Dewey's class?
Hal: Yes, I am, Malcolm. This is my first Career Day. I want to make sure I dazzle 'em! I want Dewey to be proud of his old man. One out of four wouldn't be so bad.
Malcolm: Dad, they're six years old.
Hal: Which is why we have to keep things moving. Now, remember, we'll start with the pie chart, then move to Earnings Index.
Malcolm: Do I have to do this?
Hal: Relax, Malcolm. Your teacher said it's fine. You'll just make up what you miss after school. You know, I am really looking forward to this. I think this is going to be a lot of fun.

Hal: Two quarts of amber varnish. A number two camel hair brush. Or maybe a Kalinsky sable.
Lois: Camel hair brush, Kalinsky sable. How do you know about all this stuff? You never painted anything in your life.
Hal: I have been painting this for 15 years, Lois... up here.

Malcolm: [to camera] Things are starting to get really strange around here. It's Dad, he's so... happy.
Hal: Mmm, this meat loaf is incredible. New recipe?
Lois: Same as it's always been.
Hal: Oh, come on, something's different. I can tell.
Lois: Oh, actually, you know what? I was out of tomato paste, and I used ketchup instead.
Hal: Uh-huh, see? I could taste it.

Hal: What's wrong?
Malcolm: What do you mean?
Hal: Well, I noticed you looking at me.
Malcolm: Nothing. [to camera] See? It's creepy.

Craig: Okay, team, you did a great job yesterday. Unfortunately, I lost all the numbers. I think I accidentally mailed them to my mom. [staff groan] Yeah, so... whoops. So why don't you guys start recounting? I'm going to head to the downtown store and play a little "defense," if you know what I'm saying. Uh... Garkech, you're in charge.
Francis: Whoa, whoa, whoa... you're putting him in charge? He doesn't speak English. We don't even know if Garkech is really his name.
Craig: We don't know that it's not. Besides, he hasn't questioned every decision I've made.
Francis: That's because he can't. And what happened to our lunch break?
Craig: [walks away] I can't hear you.

Lois: Hal, it's past midnight. Are you coming to bed?
Hal: No! How can I go to bed? It's nothing what it should be.
Lois: Honey, this is your dream. It's supposed to be fun.
Hal: What are you talking about, fun? This isn't fun. This is driving me crazy! I just... I- I- I can't get it right.
Lois: Well, you don't have to finish it. Look at you! You're killing yourself.
Hal: One more day. That's all. I just need one more day!
Lois: Hal, there has got to be, like, 500 gallons of paint up there.
Hal: There isn't... Yeah, that's about right.

Craig: Well... it's over. I just got the word. Downtown finished their inventory. We've lost.
Garkech: Chelooz marak!
Craig: I think Garkech speaks for all of us. I'll be in the cookie aisle.