Lois: [over P.A.] Attention, Lucky Aide trespasser. You do not get to do this. You do not get to live off the grid. If anyone on the planet was entitled to hide from all the aggravation, it would be me, but I don't, do you understand? No one gets to shirk their share of the misery. Everyone has to be stuck in this together. That's what's fair. Those are the rules. Now, you obviously know me, so you know what I'm willing to do to find you. So save us both the time and come out now.
[Norm emerges from an aisle]
Craig: Let me handle this. [to Norm] Do you know anything about a guy living in the store?

Malcolm: That's weird. Did you see anyone?
Lois: What?
Malcolm: Someone left a candy wrapper and change on the counter here, but nobody's been in the store for hours.
Craig: It was probably a mouse.
Malcolm: A mouse that left the exact change?
Craig: I played tic-tac-toe with a chicken at the county fair, and it beat me eight times in a row. Don't shortchange animals.

Lois: All right, what's in this bag?
Malcolm: Nothing. I'm restocking.
Lois: Fresh fruit? A package of all-cotton underwear? A decent book? We don't sell this stuff.
Malcolm: Okay, fine. If you must know, I was restocking my locker. I've been having intense stomach problems, and that's what the fruit is for, and the underwear, and sadly, the book, too. And now that you've publicly humiliated me, can I go about my business? [to camera] Okay, not bad. It's plausible, embarrassing enough for the outburst, and essentially unprovable. I just have to stand my ground.

Lois: Well, the police are on their way. Three years you've been living here. Unbelievable.
Craig: Didn't you once give me the Heimlich maneuver in Snacks and Nuts?
Norm: You've got to learn to chew.
Craig: Easier said, my friend.

Craig: Hey, Malcolm.
Malcolm: At what age do you just accept that your life is a piece of rotten garbage and always will be?
Craig: Twenty-two. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the heck out of every moment. Take tonight. You're in for a real treat. There's a different rhythm to the night shift. It's a camaraderie, a brotherhood of kindred souls, a nocturnal fraternity of the prowlers of the inky netherworld. Hello, fellow traveler.
Customer: Where's the toothpaste?
Craig: I'm on a break.

Lois: Wow. That's the first time I've ever seen Reese take a concerned interest in another living thing. It's kind of nice to know he's got a compassionate side. I want those revolting bugs in the trash by tomorrow morning.

Dewey: I want you to know something. I've been sleeping in that bed by myself for a week. A week without sharing covers, a week without being smashed, and a week without having anyone's butt shoved into my face.
Hal: So, what are you angry about?
Dewey: Because during the last week, I've grown half an inch. You lied to me. I'm not the smallest kid in my class from my genetics. It's because I've been stuffed into a bed with Malcolm all my life.
Hal: Whoo, you don't know that. It could be all the crap we feed you, or the chemical plant near the park.
Dewey: Dad!
Hal: Dewey, I'm sorry. But we can't afford to buy you your own bed. You'll just have to grow after Malcolm goes off to college. Oh, no, then Jamie's going into it. Well, at least you'll always be bigger than he is.

Malcolm: Mom, can't you just let him go? He didn't even really do anything wrong. He paid for everything he took. He helped out around the store. The guy's just living here. What's wrong with that?
Norm: I could just disappear, go to the Wal-Mart down the block. I've heard great things about them.
Lois: He broke the rules, Malcolm. The rules matter. Rules say we get paid time and a half for the graveyard shift. The rules say trespassers are dealt with by the police. You can't just pick and choose what rules you want to follow, or the whole system breaks down.
Malcolm: But-
Lois: Malcolm, I'm sorry. But as long as I'm working here, I can't bend the rules for anyone. [timer clicks] 7:30. Shifts over.
Malcolm: What are you doing?
Lois: I'm off the clock. I'm going home. Everybody else can do whatever they want. But they better do it quick. They don't have a lot of time.
[Norm runs out]
Malcolm: Thank you.
Lois: For what?

Lois: Make sure all the pens are cap-side up with the pocket clips facing forward. This is the benefit of graveyard shift. You don't have all that chaos that goes on during the daytime. You can get things organized the way they're meant to be.
Malcolm: You're just trying to torture me. That's why I'm here, just admit it.
Lois: You're here because you need the money.
Malcolm: I give you three-quarters of my paycheck.
Lois: That's why you need the money.

Reese: Did you know the Latin name for this little guy is Danaus plexippus, and that he actually crawls out of his own skin to pupate? Then the outer layer hardens into the chrysalis. That's Greek for "golden." And once they turn into butterflies, they can migrate up to 2,000 miles. Pretty awesome, huh? Oh, got to feed them some more milkweed.