‘Unpause’
Season 9, Episode 15 - Aired January 20, 2014
Marshall tries to put off his fight with Lily for as long as he can, but she decides to unpause their argument. Meanwhile, Ted and Robin get an insight into Barney's life when he gets so drunk he can only speak the truth.
Quote from The Mother
The Mother: Okay. Okay.
Ted: Everything is fine, okay? Don't freak out.
The Mother: I'm not freaking out.
Ted: I was talking to myself.
The Mother: Do you have the baby?
Ted: The elevator!
The Mother: What?
Ted: Marshall and Lily are right, never gets old.
The Mother: Unless you're crowning.
Ted: So proud of you.
The Mother: Thank you.
Ted: Penny's so proud of you.
The Mother: Let's go get you a brother, okay?
Ted: You want a brother? I love you.
The Mother: I love you too.
Ted: You're gonna be great.
The Mother: Yeah, okay.
Future Ted: [v.o.] 2 a.m., it's a good rule. But every rule has an exception. And for us, that exception was you, Luke.
Ted: We're having a baby!
Quote from Lily
Lily: Aw, baby, I missed you so much... I am so angry! [sexily] I am gonna tear you apart tonight. [angrily] I'm gonna tear you apart tonight!
Quote from Lily
Robin: Hey, where's the baby?
Both: The elevator!
Lily: Ha, ha. That joke just never gets old.
Marshall: And is not at all inspired by real life events.
Lily: No, it is not. Anyway, the sitter has Marvin for the night.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Wait, we're not unpaused?
Lily: Not yet. Mama needs some Papa. But as soon as we're done having sex, we're having that fight.
Marshall: So we're not gonna fight... until after we're done having sex. Challenge accepted.
Quote from Robin
Robin: Next question. You keep saying "ring bear" instead of ring bearer. Will there or will there not be a bear at our wedding?
Barney: The truth is... [babbling]
Robin: God, he's dipped back down to Jabba drunk. Give him another drink.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Six and three sixty-fourths inches.
Robin: Yeah, he's back to telling the truth.
Ted: Okay, Barney, how are you always able to do that magic trick where you make doves appear?
Barney: Special dehydrated birds I get in Chinatown. [makes a bird appear]
Ted: I knew it.
Robin: Okay, okay. Will there or will there not be a bear at our wedding?
Barney: The truth is...
Marshall: Barney?
Robin: Oh, come on!
Quote from Barney
Marshall: Barney, I know you always say you don't need any kind of "help" in bed, but if you...
Barney: I always keep these on hand, but be careful. When you go off, there's a kickback like a cannon.
Marshall: Thank you.
Quote from Barney
Ted: How much a year do you spend on suits?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I won't bother you with the number, but it was a crapload.
Barney: Around one crapload.
Ted: That much? Aren't you concerned about your future?
Barney: Nope. Especially since Robin is massively wealthy.
Robin: Barney!
Quote from Barney
Ted: How much is her family worth?
Barney: Six thousand craploads. Canadian craploads.
Ted: That much? But when we dated, I paid for everything.
Robin: You didn't pay for everything.
Barney: He paid for everything.
Robin: I'd pick up our bar tab all the time.
Barney: Three times in the last nine years.
Ted: I took you to four-star restaurants.
Barney: Two-star restaurants.
Ted: Figuring on average two meals out a week, plus 20 percent tip...
Barney: Twelve-and-a-half percent tip.
Ted: Do you know how much money you cost me?
Robin: What am I, a prostitute?
Barney: You are not a prostitute.
Ted: No, a prostitute would have been cheaper.
Barney: Depends on the prostitute.
Robin: Wait, hold on, Ted. What are we doing?
Barney: You're arguing about Robin's wealth when you really should be asking me embarrassing questions.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: You did it. You banged your wife to sleep. Nice job, Still-Big Fudge.