Barney: It is super-weird between us, and I don't want it to be.
Robin: Me, neither.
Barney: So let me just say this. I'm done. You don't have to worry anymore.
Robin: What do you mean?
Barney: I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise... I'm done making a fool of myself.
Robin: Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself.
Barney: It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples. And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!" Because it really will be good to see you. Think we can swing that?
Robin: Yeah, I do.
Barney: Badass.
Robin: [smiles] Huh.

Barney: Training for a marathon. [scoffs]
Marshall: What?
Barney: You don't need to train for a marathon. You just run it.
Lily: You're kidding, right?
Barney: Not at all. I could run a marathon anytime I wanted to.
Marshall: So like tomorrow, you think you could wake up, roll out of bed, and just run the New York City Marathon?
Barney: Absolutely.
Robin: Barney, we're talking about 42 kilometers.
Ted: Thanks, Canada. I'll take it from here. Barney, it's like 26 miles.
Barney: Here's how you run a marathon. Step one, you start running. There is no step two.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Weeks earlier, Marshall had promised Lily he'd come into her kindergarten class for show-and-tell day.
Lily: And he's a little bit double-jointed. And his favorite animal is the Loch Ness monster.
Marshall: Lily, how many times...? Nessie is a gentle creature. We're trying to stay away from terms like "monster."

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in all the time we knew Barney, there was one question he would always answer the same way.
[flashback:]
Marshall: Seriously, what is it that you do?
Barney: Ha-ha-ha. Please.
[flashback:]
Lily: Seriously, what do you do for a living?
Barney: Ha-ha-ha. Please.
[flashback:]
Marshall: You finally gonna tell me exactly what your job is?
Barney: Ha! Please.
[present:]
Future Ted: So naturally, this was a pretty big moment for us.
Ted: Well? What do you do for a living?
Barney: Please.
Robin: He's not telling us. More booze.
Ted: Not so fast, princess. I guess subtle clues and the bar tab are two things you don't pick up. Because I think he is telling us.

Ted: Oh. I think I'm gonna head home.
Barney: I understand.
Ted: What, you're not gonna try and stop me?
Barney: And how would I try and stop you?
Ted: I don't know, by telling me life is short, and if you ever come across a beautiful, exciting, crazy moment in it, you got to seize it while you can before that moment's gone?
Barney: Ted, this moment already is gone. The whole Minnesota Tidal Wave thing happened five years ago. It's just a memory. And the rest of this never happened. Right now, Marshall and Lily are upstairs, trying to get Marvin to go back to sleep. Robin and I are trying to decide on a caterer. And you've been sitting here all night, staring at a single ticket to Robots vs. Wrestlers because the rest of us couldn't come out. Look around, Ted. You're all alone.

Ted: What does being "ready" even mean? I thought I was "ready" last year. I wound up getting left at the altar. I'll be honest, guys. I'm a little scared. [hands go up] Louis, then Betty.
Louis: We're all scared, Professor Mosby.
Betty: Doesn't being scared let you know you're on to something important?
Ted: Yeah. I mean, if you're not scared, you're not taking a chance. And if you're not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing? Right?
Jamie: I think you're ready, bro.