Lily: We have an announcement.
[flashback to Lily and Marshall's apartment:]
Robin: So what you're saying is, if you're meant to move to Long Island, some sign from the universe will magically appear at your doorstep?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, kids, I don't think there was a knock on the door at that exact moment, but for the purposes of this story...
Clive: Hi, I'm Clive. I live upstairs from you. Is this your sign? [holds a for sale sign]
Marshall: I don't know, Clive. Is it?
Lily: Oh, did we leave that outside? Yeah, we're selling our house in Long Island.
Clive: Oh. Too bad you're not selling this place. I'd love to turn mine into a duplex. And I'd give you a really good price for it, because I am so rich.
[present:]
Robin: He did not say that.
Marshall: His shoes did.
Lily: Okay, the point is, we got the sign. We're moving to East Meadow.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And just like that, Lily and Marshall were beginning a new chapter in their lives. Which meant only one thing for us...
Barney: We're having a baby!
Ted: Bro-parents activate!

Barney: Hey, let's talk baby names!
Ted: Barney.
Barney: Oh, my God! That was my first choice, too.

Ted: No, listen. You and I are drunk. Which means there's a chance that adopting a baby... no matter how cute
he is in my head with his little cowboy outfit on and he's riding our dog like a horse and we also have a dog, purebred Golden, but it's okay, she's a rescue... might not be a good idea.
Barney: You're right. So let's go home, take some aspirin, drink lots of water, and then see if it's still a good idea tomorrow.
[the next day:]
Barney: It's still a good idea!
Ted: It's totally still a good idea! We're having a baby!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I cannot stress this enough: Barney and I were going through a tough time.

Robin: You're not leaving, and that's final. Look what I bought at 4:00 a.m. in New York City. A bootleg VHS of a very, very popular Korean movie, this genuine Lenny Vintone purse and the number of a man who can get me a kidney. Do that on Long Island.
Marshall: Look, Robin, we appreciate that you want us to stay in the city, but this is what we want. I mean, you understand, right?
Robin: No. Here are a few fun facts about Long Island. [clears throat] Number one: it's Brooklyn's fart trail.

Ted: Okay, fine. How about this? We stay in the city during the week, then on the weekend, country house in the burbs!
Barney: This is why bro-parenting works!
Ted: Totally! And with your salary plus my salary, we can totally afford two places.
Barney: Oh.
Ted: What?
Barney: So... uh, you're gonna keep your job?

Ted: Wait, wait, wait! Hold it! Brainstorm. Brainstorm. Nobody quits their job. We get a nanny.
Barney: Dibs on the nanny.
Ted: No. No banging the nanny.
Barney: Ted, please do not dig in on this whole no-banging-the-nanny policy.
Ted: Okay, fine. We'll get two nannies. One for banging, one for childcare.
Barney: Slash banging. Dibs on both nannies! Just think of it, Ted, you and me, living together, with our kid, my two hot nannies, our pet cobra...
Ted: What?
Barney: A kid needs a pet cobra, Ted. Don't be a pill about this. And we'll have amazing weeklong parties, and there'll be swords and ninja stars lying around.
Future Ted: [v.o.] That's when I realized: adopting a baby with a friend? Crazy. Adopting a baby with Barney?
Freaking nuts.

Ted: I can't adopt a baby with you, Barney.
Barney: Why not?
Ted: Because we don't even have one yet and you're already a terrible father.
Barney: Oh, I get it. You want one of the nannies. Well, you can't have 'em! They're mine! So you're just gonna have to get yourself a third nanny. Except dibs on the third nanny! Good day!

Barney: Ted, we should get going.
Ted: No, no, no. I'm not going anywhere with you. For all I know, I could be aiding and abetting a kidnapping.
Barney: Shh. Bro-daddy's not mad. He's just being a wittle loud. He wuvs you! Yes, he does!
Ted: This is insane!
Barney: You'll feel better outside.

Barney: Ted and I have a baby. Crazy!
Lily: What the hell is that?
Barney: Guys, this is Hurricane Stinson-Mosby.
Ted: Mosby-Stinson.
Marshall: You named your baby Hurricane? That is... [looks at Lily] ultimately inconsiderate to the child who has to live with that name.