Lily: Barney, we know you might get fired. [Barney tries to leave] Wait. You have to talk about this. You are just using meaningless sex to distract yourself from a really serious issue.
Barney: It is not meaningless, okay? Number five and I really connected. She's going back to school, or has a kid in school, something about school!

Ted: Any word from Dale?
Robin: It's only been five days. He's gonna call.
Ted: Why do you care anyway? You said he was a total dork.
Robin: Do not talk about Dale that way, okay! He is twice the man you will ever be!

Lily: And God forbid, if you can't find another job, sell your place. Marshall and I have an extra room. You can stay there as long as you need.
Robin: Make sure you bring your own toothbrush.

Lily: Trying to sleep with seven women in seven nights is not doing fine. It's a cry for help.
Ted: Barney's whole life is a cry for help. But you don't mess with a man when he's in the middle of a perf...
Lily: What? Perfect Week? [all gasp] Perfect Week! Perfect Week! Perfect Week! Grow up!
[Barney hisses as he quickly leaves the apartment]

Ted: I can't believe you jinxed him.
Marshall: He doesn't stand a chance out there.
Lily: Okay, question. If I ruined everything, why is Barney totally hitting it off with third-martini-girl over there?
Ted: Oh, my God!
Marshall: He's gonna do it.
Lily: Yeah. See, there is no such thing as a jinx.
[all gasp]

Jim Nantz: Tell me she didn't say, "There's no such thing as a jinx."
Barney: Wish I could.
Jim Nantz: You were about to achieve something so beautiful.
Barney: Well... Well, thanks to her, the only thing that could ruin a surefire hook-up was about to walk through that door. [v.o.] A member of the 2009 World Champion New York Yankees.

Marshall: Lily, I'm getting my own toothbrush.

Ted: Well, I guess that's it. Barney's streak ends at six.
Robin: What? Why? Because that guy with the weird hair just walked in?
Marshall: That's Nick Swisher. He's a New York Yankee. No normal guy in New York City can compete with a Yankee.
Ted: And it doesn't even have to be a current Yankee. When I first moved here, I was on a fourth date with a girl I really liked, until I got rack-jacked by Phil Rizzuto.
Marshall: I was there. Holy cow, that guy had game.
Ted: Mmm-hmm.

Ted: It's happening. Look.
Barney: [to a woman] Hey, wanna come over and look at my snow globe collection?
Marshall: Snow globe collection?
Ted: He's throwing junk out there!

Barney: Not good enough. This whole week was a waste. And tomorrow, I'm gonna get fired.
Marshall: I'm really sorry, dude. But for what it's worth, this week wasn't a waste. We were all having a really horrible week and you took our minds off it.
Ted: Yeah. I had my first student drop my class. It sucked.
Robin: I met my soul mate and he never called me back. I mean, yet. He will. He will.
Marshall: We scared off a really great couple just because we share a toothbrush.
Barney: You share a toothbrush!
Robin: Well, them and Ted.
Barney: What?
Ted: Wait a second. When we were dating you borrowed that toothbrush all the time.
Robin: Oh, my God.