Victoria: I was tempted to leave Klaus for you last fall. The only thing holding me back was the Robin of it all.
Ted: I know, and you were right, but... but that's all over now. She moved out. I mean, we're still friends, but that's over.
Victoria: All these years, I never stopped thinking about you, Ted. I've got a car outside if you're ready to drive off into the sunset together. But if you don't feel the same way, if you've closed the door on us, just say the word... and I'll go.

Barney: Okay. I'll tell you. [whispers to the agent]
TSA Agent #3: Oh, that's really cool.
Quinn: So what's the trick?
TSA Agent #3: I can't say. Magician's Code.

Lily: What are you gonna do?
Robin: Where is she right now?
Marshall: So this dress, what's the cut? Are we talking princess, ball gown, column? Right, 'cause it's a federal
crime to love weddings.

Lily: Whoa. What was that?
Robin: What? You said you wanted a picture of Baby Marvin's first outing.
Marshall: Our baby's first outing was to a bar.
Lily: [gasps] I dribble Cuervo on Marv's soft spot.

Barney: Man, I end up in these rooms a lot.
Quinn: If we miss Hawaii because of this, guess who's not doing the disappearing salami any time soon.
Mr. Drury: I need to ask you both a few questions. Let's start with you. Name?
Quinn: Quinn Garvey.
Mr. Drury: Occupation?
Quinn: Unemployed.
Barney: Well, well, well. Look who's keeping secrets now. Sir, I'll tell you her occupation: stripper. She insists she's proud of it, but apparently not proud enough to tell you.
Quinn: Barney, I was going to surprise you with this on our trip, but... I quit.
Barney: You... did that for me?
Quinn: Yes. And now that you know what I did for you, and how much I care for you, would you please show him the trick?
Barney: Sorry. Magician's Code.

Victoria: I thought you wanted this.
Ted: I do want this. I've thought about you so many times. What might have been... But I got left at the altar, and it nearly killed me. You're someone's fiancé, and I have to respect that. So let's hit a motel, jam in a quickie, and get you back to your wedding. It's the right thing to do.

Barney: Guys, we've got something to tell you.
Marshall: Eight or higher, bro.
Barney: We're engaged.
Marshall: That's a... that's a ten. We got another ten!

Marshall: Uh, not to ruin the moment, but apparently little Marvin is quite stunned by the news. Do you guys mind recounting this romantic tale next to a Diaper Genie?
Lily: Oh, Marvin, you're about to hear your first love story!
Quinn: Once up on a time, this creepy magic dude was boning Barney's mom...

Barney: It's our last chance to run away together. Door's right there.
Robin: Yes, we'll start a new life.
Barney: Head for the border!
Robin: Canada!
Barney: Eh, Mexico. Canada sucks.
Robin: Okay, well, you're one-quarter Canadian, so by that logic you one-quarter suck.
Barney: I'm 100% awesome and you know it.
Robin: Yeah, I do.
Barney: Look, I-I hope this isn't weird, or anything, because...
Robin: Barney, I'm... I'm really happy for you.
Barney: Really?
Robin: Really.