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The Magician's Code - Part Two

‘The Magician's Code - Part Two’

Season 7, Episode 24 -  Aired May 14, 2012

When the bride at Barney's future wedding asks to see Ted, he looks back to the day he chased after the one that got away.

Quote from Barney

Quinn: Hi. Welcome home. I decided the place was a bit too "American Psycho" for me, so while you were gone,
I hired a decorator and I asked him, "What would the inside of Tinkerbell's vagina look like?" And the kid just ran with it! So... what do you think?
Barney: Thank God you're still here!
Quinn: Welcome home.

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Quote from Ted

Lily: These are terrible, Robin.
Robin: Hey, it is not easy getting a good shot cooped up in this apartment.
Ted: See, two different styles. I make compositions, Robin makes excuse. Click. Photo burn.

Quote from Lily

Robin: Okay. How about this? Tomorrow, we go to Central Park at sunset and we get the perfect picture in the perfect setting.
Lily: Oh, I like that. It'll be Marvin's first outing into the world.
Marshall: You're gonna love the park, buddy. It's a great place to meet chicks. Or-or dudes. Or both.
Lily: Oh, we love you no matter what!

Quote from Lily

Future Ted: [v.o.] And kids, as I watched your Aunt Lily hold her baby boy, another thought popped into my head.
[flashback to 1998: Lily is heading out of a liquor store with a "pregnant belly"]
Man: Even though you didn't buy anything, I want to thank you for coming in. Here's a free teddy bear. What are you gonna name the little guy?
Lily: Six Pack.
[As Lily takes the teddy bear, cans of beer fall from under her shirt]
Lily: Gun it, bitches!
Future Ted: That girl's a mom!

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Okay, so I met this girl on the train, and I texted her, "What's up" She texted, "Hey," exclamation point. Does that mean, "Ask me out" or "Just..."
Lily: Ted, we are responsible for a whole other human life now, so new rule: You can't come to us with any issue unless it's an "8" or higher.
Ted: Got it. So I'm thinking of texting back a winky smiley face.
Marshall: Eight or higher, bro.
Ted: Well, no, what should I--
Marshall: Eight or higher, bro.
Ted: No, yeah, I'm just wondering if--
Marshall: Eight or higher, bro.
Ted: Well, where do you rate this?
Marshall: This is the same as what's in little Marvin's pants right now: A soft two.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Hey, false alarm. What I was smelling was the previous poop, which, apparently, is still somewhere on my clothes and/or in my hair.

Quote from Ted

Ted: [inner monologue] Okay, I need to figure out if Victoria ever got engaged. I'll have to very subtly check for an engagement ring.
[Victoria enters MacLaren's in a wedding dress]
Ted: [inner monologue] Hmm, can't see the left hand.

Quote from Barney

TSA Agent: Open the box now!
Barney: I can't. Magician's Code.
Quinn: What the hell is the Magician's Code?!
Barney: "A magician never reveals his tricks." Mr. Flanagan, my magic mentor from the hallowed Staten Island Mall Magic Shop, taught me the importance of the Code one fateful autumn night in 1993.
Quinn: Always good to tell a long story while people are aiming guns at you.
Barney: 'twas a night that changed my life.
[flashback to goth Barney in 1993:]
Barney: Hello? Mr. Flanagan. Wh-What are you doing here?
Mr. Flanagan: Um, I'm checking up on you. Just to make sure you're practicing your craft or whatever.
Barney: That is an honor, sir. And yeah, I promise, I'm practicing. But wait. Why were you... Why were you going in my mom's room?
Mr. Flanagan: Uh, your mom's actually helping me with a new trick.
Barney: That is so cool! What is this trick? Is it sawing a lady in half?
Mr. Flanagan: Well, not sawing. But actually, the Magician's Code forbids me from telling you anything else about the trick.
Loretta: [o.s.] Wayne, come back to bed!
Mr. Flanagan: Okay, it involves a bed.
Barney: W-W-Wait. Can you at least tell me the name of this trick?
Mr. Flanagan: Sure, kid. It's called...
[present:]
Barney: The Disappearing Salami. Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him before he could ever tell me what the trick was.
Quinn: Yeah, that guy was banging your mom.
All: Yup.
Barney: Mr. Flanagan was not ban- Oh, my God, he was.

Quote from Barney

Quinn: Wait, why are you bringing a magic trick to Hawaii anyway?
Barney: I was hoping to shoot up to Honolulu for the Worldwide Magic Convention. Don't worry. You'll notice I was gone. It's only three 14-hour days.
Quinn: So on our romantic getaway to help me forget about you skipping town on me, you're skipping town on me?!
Barney: Look Quinn, you're very important to me, but you're sharing my heart with an equally important Miss. Miss... Direction. What? H...
Quinn: Shoot him.

Quote from Ted

Ted: So what did you order?
Victoria: Oh, just black coffee.
Ted: I like it that way, too.
Victoria: Yeah, it just tastes better to me.
Ted: I find that if the coffee beans are good enough, you really don't need- Why are you in a wedding dress?!

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