Ted: Billy Zabka is your new best man?
Barney: He's the best around. Sorry, Ted. Maybe next wedding.
Ted: You're playing the best man poker game without me? Tim Gunn's here and I'm not?
Tim Gunn: I'm Barney's personal tailor. Of course I'm here. Plus I've never played poker before.
It looks like a hoot.
Ted: I moved into a dungeon. I wrote hundreds of cards. I even gave your batty Great Aunt Ida a foot massage so vigorous it put her to sleep in the lobby.
Barney: Yeah, I don't really have a Great Aunt Ida.

Lily: Robin, what is it with you and women?
Robin: Ugh. They're so annoying. I'm glad that you're my only female friend. Girls are always whining and crying over every little thing. Ugh.
Lily: [sobs]
Robin: Yes. Yes, exactly. Thank you. "Boo-hoo, look at me. I'm a sensitive little girl..." I'm sorry, you're actually crying. Ugh.
Lily: It is just so sad. I can't be your only girlfriend.
Robin: Well, I don't need anybody else. I got you.
Lily: For another six days, and then I'm off to Rome for a year. What are you gonna do without our Saturday morning brunch with a side of sassy gossip?
[flashback to Robin watching sports in her and Barney's apartment:]
Robin: A one-shot power play? Hey, Boston, why not drop your hockey pants and actually take a dump on the ice next time? Aah! I love it. Ha, ha.
[present:]
Lily: Ugh. See? It is just too horrible to even think about.

Lily: You need another female friend.
Robin: Whenever I try to talk to women, they look like they want to punch me.
Lily: Well, maybe you're accidentally giving off the wrong vibe. Like, what do you say to other women at the gym?
Robin: Oh, I haven't been to the gym in forever. My metabolism is all messed up. See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. Well, everywhere except for my boobs. So annoying.
Lily: [fist clenched] You're gonna need a lot of work.

Marshall: [over video chat] Now, although not expressly stated in the Bro Code, a weird moment between a bro and his bro's fiancee is, in my bro-pinion, a violation.
Ted: No.
Barney: Yes.
Marshall: However, Ted was helping Robin as a friend. Therefore holding her hand isn't necessarily a weird moment.
Barney: No.
Ted: Yes.
Marshall: That being said, if we decide that holding any friend's hand is weird then, yes, Ted did break the Bro Code. So the question is this: If Ted had gone to the park and held Barney's hand, would it have been weird?
Barney: Yes?
Ted: No?
[later, Barney and Ted hold hands at the beach as they sit in a circle with Marshpillow]
Ted: See? It's not weird at all.

Robin: Heh. Slut alert.
Woman: That's my 14-year-old daughter.
Robin: Crappy mom alert. Ugh, it's you. Nice bangs.

Lily: What is wrong with you?
Robin: Look, I can't do this, okay? I was raised as a boy. I don't get along with women. Can we just drop it?
Lily: Okay, I never thought I'd take a page out of your fiance's playbook, but it's time to target the crying chick.

Barney: I guess I'm not really mad at you. I'm mad at myself. I should have met Robin at the carousel when she called, but I was having such a good time greasing 12-year-olds.
Ted: Laser tag.
Marshall: [over video chat] Helpful. Continue.

Barney: Look, Ted, I'm sorry that I've been taking it out on you. You were just being a good friend to Robin.
Ted: It's okay.
Barney: It would be different if you still had feelings for her, but you don't, right? Right?
[thunder crashes, rain pours]
Ted: Okay, now it's weird.

Barney: You still have feelings for Robin?
Ted: [high-pitched] What? What? What? Wha...? Okay, yeah, sometimes I do.
Barney: Then turn them off.
Ted: I would love to, but it doesn't work that way. I'm a human being. I don't have an off switch.
Marshall: [over video chat] I'm shutting off.

Patrice: There's the blushing bride.
Lily: Back off, Patrice!