Marshall: Let me get this straight. You're really telling me that when you watch The Karate Kid, you don't root for Daniel-san?
Barney: Nope.
Marshall: Who do you root for in Die Hard?
Barney: Hans Gruber, charming international bandit. At the end, he died hard. He's the title character.
Lily: Okay, The Breakfast Club?
Barney: The teacher running detention. He's the only guy in the whole movie wearing a suit.
Robin: I got one. Terminator.
Barney: What's the name of the movie, Robin? Who among us didn't shed a tear when his little red eye went out at the end and he didn't get to kill those people? [sobbing] I'm sorry. That movie...
Ted: I am never watching a movie with you ever again.
Barney: They didn't even try to help him!

Marshall: Another guest? Who could this be? Why, it's Lily! And she's here to deliver one of your requests!
Barney: Oh, thank you, Marshall.
Lily: Oh, not that one.
[flashback to ten months earlier:]
Barney: An appearance by my all-time idol, the Karate Kid!
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Karate Kid was an uplifting '80s classic about a teen, played by Ralph Macchio, who defeats the local jerk, played by William Zabka. At least, that's how most people saw it.
Lily: Here he is, just as hot as when his Tiger Beat photo spread gave a young girl the courage to explore the suddenly unfamiliar topography of her changing body... the Karate Kid!
Ralph Macchio: Hey, Barney. It's Ralph. Listen, it's always flattering...
Barney: No! I hate Ralph Macchio! I hate him, hate him, hate him! He is not the Karate Kid! The Karate Kid was William Zabka, star pupil of the Cobra Kai Dojo, who this monster defeated with a cheap, illegal head-kick in the most tragically haunting film ending of all time.
Ralph Macchio: Oh, see, I thought you meant fun-crazy.
Barney: Shut it, Ralph Macchio. Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!

Marshall: [over video chat] To resolve this, I really need to parse the text of the Bro Code.
Ted: Too bad Marshall doesn't have a copy.
Marshall: Actually, I do. They were in the seat-back pockets of my flight in place of the safety cards.
Barney: I'm also pleased to announce the Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country. And Lufthansa. Der Bro Code is, like, huge in Germany.

Ted: So you are mad about me and Robin holding hands.
Barney: Of course I'm mad, Ted. Holding hands is like the fourth grade equivalent of banging. Well, in your case, 12th grade. Self-five. You broke the Bro Code.
Ted: No, I did not. I only went to help Robin as a friend because you didn't show up. I did not break the Bro Code.
Barney: It's in the text: "A bro shall not have a weird moment with another bro's fiancee."
Ted: Well, too bad we're in Farhampton and can't actually check.
Barney: I'm pleased to announce the Bro Code has replaced the Gideons' Bible at select hotels throughout the country.

Barney: It's in here somewhere. It has to be. Damn it. I should've done these in alpha-bro-tical order.
Ted: Who cares about the Bro Code? It's just some stupid book you made up.
Barney: [gasps] How dare you? The Bro Code has been around for centuries. Nay... whatever's more than centuries.
Ted: Please don't launch into a fake history lesson.
Barney: The Bro Code can trace its lineage all the way back to Broses himself.
[historical fantasy:]
Broses: Article 1: Bros before ho's.
[present:]
Ted: Okay, I see what you're doing. You can't prove I broke the Code, so you're making up stories.
Barney: This sacred text was eventually brought to the New World in 1776 by none other than Christopher Brolumbus.
[historical fantasy:]
Christopher Brolumbus: Article 62: A bro who calls dibs first has dibs. Oh? Dibs.
[present:]
Barney: And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas.
Ted: Pocahontas was with John Smith.
Barney: Maybe according to the hotel register. Whatever Mrs. Brolumbus didn't know couldn't hurt her, right? Except maybe that New World syphilis, but I digress.