Barney: What, you really had something to talk about?
Robin: Yes. Look, I've spent the last six years in this city, focusing on my career, all for nothing. Some lady almost got me killed. Maury Povich stole my cab. I swear, this city is starting to reject me like a bad organ transplant. You know, everyone keeps saying that I'm not a real New Yorker. Well, maybe I should just stop trying.

Barney: Robin, I had no idea.
Robin: No, it's my fault for thinking that you might care. Ranjit, stop the car.
Ranjit: Stopping the car.
Barney: No, don't stop the car.
Ranjit: Not stopping the car.
Robin: Seriously, stop the car.
Ranjit: Seriously stopping the car.

Barney: Look, you... Wait, wait... Robin, hold on. If you want to talk, I'm right here.
Robin: Carrots and peas.

Ranjit: I'll crank up the smooth jazz.

Ted: Uses a hybrid steel tube structure...
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, that day, I had a horrible realization. If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus... It's you.
[As Ted leaves his seat on the deserted left side of the bus, all the passengers crowded on the right side cheer]

Conductor: [indistinct talk over muffled P.A.]
Robin: What did he say?
Lily: No clue. Hey, is that Maury Povich?
Robin: Hey! Lily.
[Lily runs out of the subway car and leaves Robin behind as the doors close:]
Lily: Sorry, sweetie. I swear I'll be a great friend at the finish line, but the conductor just said you're going express to Borough Hall, which means you're screwed, sweetie. So long, sucker.
[The doors open again]
Lily: Bring it in.

[After passing out, Marshall is woken up by a man in a calculator costume:]
Man: Buddy? Hey, buddy? Need a hand?
Marshall: [screams] The machines have won! The machines have won.

Marshall: I can't do it. I can't run that far. I can't outrace anything. I... I can't... I can't get my wife pregnant!
[Maury Povich passes by]
Ted: Wait. Is that what this whole stupid running thing has been about?
Marshall: My body has been letting me down, and I just wanted to prove that it could still do something, but it can't.
Ted: Dude, you've been trying for two months, not two years. That's nothing.

Marshall: Well, you should talk. You know, you're the one who's freaking out because you have one mediocre review and, like, 50 great ones.
Ted: 64. But whatever.
Marshall: And you're designing a frickin' building. I mean, come on, dude.
Man: Sounds like you guys need to clear everything, subtract the negativity, and add some perspective.
[Ted and Marshall knock over the guy in the calculator costume]

Lily: Marshall! Marshall, get in!
Ranjit: Hello.