‘Showdown’
Season 2, Episode 20 - Aired April 30, 2007
Barney applies to be a contestant on The Price is Right so he can meet Bob Barker, whom he claims is his father. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily try to spend a little time apart before their wedding, and Ted works on his best man toast.
Quote from Loretta
Ted: Your dad is Bob Barker?
Barney: That's right
Lily: The host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker?
Barney: That's Pops.
Robin: Barney?
Barney: Yes, Robin?
Robin: Why in the world do you think Bob Barker is your father?
Barney: Uh, because my mother told me he was, that's why.
[flashback to Barney as a kid, watching The Price is Right:]
Young Barney: Mom, who's my dad? All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine?
Loretta: Oh, I don't know. That guy. [points to Barney on TV]
Quote from Barney
Barney: You guys know how it's hard to be friends with me 'cause I'm so awesome?
Ted: Yes, it's hard to be friends with you. Go on.
Barney: Well, this isn't going to make it any easier. I am going to be on... The Price Is Right.
Marshall: No way!
Ted: What?!
Barney: Yes, in a couple days, Rich Fields is going to call out my name, and I will come on down.
Marshall: Whoa, that is so awesome.
Quote from Barney
Robin: Barney, I didn't know you were such a fan of The Price is Right.
Barney: Are you kidding? T.P.I.R. is not just an indescribably entertaining hour of television, it's a microcosm of our entire economic system, a capitalist utopia, where consumers are rewarded for their persistence, market acumen and intrepid spirit. I gaze upon the glory of The Price Is Right, and I see the face of America. And it is divine. Plus, you know, hot chicks on sports cars.
Quote from Barney
Ted: Why is this such a big deal?
Barney: Okay, guys, sit down, I've got to tell you something. [They were all sitting already] The reason I'm going on The Price Is Right is because I've decided that it's time for me to meet my real father.
Ted: Your father?
Barney: That's right. My father... is Bob Barker.
Quote from Barney
Bob Barker: Barney, you have seen your showcase. What do you bid on it?
Barney: [to the audience] Please, please. Please. Let me. 1-8-4-2-1.
[back at the apartment:]
Marshall: I don't even know what we're going to do with a dune buggy, but I want it!
[on TV:]
Bob Barker: And the actual retail price of your showcase is...
Barney: $14,628.
Bob Barker: $14,628. Millie, you are over. Too bad. Barney, you bid $18,421 on your showcase. And the actual retail price of Barney's showcase is... $18,421 exactly right! You win both showcases, Barney. Bob Barker, reminding you, help control the pet...
Barney: Before, before we wrap up the show, there's just something I want to say to you... [long silence] Congratulations on 35 wonderful years hosting The Price Is Right.
Bob Barker: Well, thank you, Barney. Thank you...
Barney: Have your pets spayed or neutered. Goodbye everybody.
Quote from Lily
Future Ted: [v.o.] In the weeks leading up to Aunt Lily & Uncle Marshall's wedding, some weird stuff started happening.
Lily: Why does my stomach hurt?
Marshall: I'm sorry, baby. I ate a bunch of ice cream earlier today.
Lily: Oh, baby, you know we're lactose-intolerant.
Quote from Barney
Lily: Damn it. Nobody's bought us anything cool yet off our registry.
Barney: What's on there?
Lily: Ooh, lots of stuff. Kitchen Aide Artisan Series tilt-head stand mixer...
Barney: Retail price $319.99. What else?
Lily: Um, the Dyson DC17 Animal vacuum.
Barney: Ah, $549.99. A little greedy, don't you think?
Marshall: Did you memorize our registry?
Barney: No, I'm training.
Marshall: Training? For what?
Barney: I'm glad you asked. Ted, Robin, get in here!
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] Meanwhile, I was testing out my best man toast on Marshall.
Ted: Here goes. "Hello, everyone, I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man." Strong opening, right?
Marshall: That's fantastic.
Ted: "When Marshall graduates this spring, he'll be a lawyer. But did you know that Marshall has a criminal record? That's right, on a road trip up to Cape Cod, Marshall was pulled over for driving by himself in a car pool lane."
[flashback to Marshall driving, seemingly alone, as a police car behind him sounds its sirens]
Marshall: Oh, crap.
Lily: [raising from the seat next to Marshall] Oh, crap.
[back:]
Marshall: Are you crazy? You cannot tell that story at my wedding. My entire family's gonna be there. My little cousins, my mom, my grandma, my grandpa the minister.
Ted: That grandpa died three years ago.
Marshall: His favorite grandson is getting married, Ted. I think he can take a day off from haunting the barn to make an appearance.
Quote from Lily
Lily: [on the phone] It's $300 just to take the bust in? Oh, please, you have to have some sympathy for me. I'm getting married next Saturday, and I'm too skinny for my dress. I lost all this weight without even trying. Hello?
Robin: What happened?
Lily: She called me a bitch and hung up.
Quote from Lily
Lily: Oh, I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just have to pay the $300.
Robin: Pay the $300? Lily, are you crazy? This isn't a problem. It's a license to eat. Look, what have you always wanted to eat but didn't because it was too ridiculously decadent?
Lily: Ooh, a Valrhona chocolate soufflée with a raspberry brandy sauce topped with caramelized bananas and hazelnut gelato.
Robin: I have Cool Whip and half a bag of Fritos.
Lily: Done!