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Showdown

‘Showdown’

Season 2, Episode 20 -  Aired April 30, 2007

Barney applies to be a contestant on The Price is Right so he can meet Bob Barker, whom he claims is his father. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily try to spend a little time apart before their wedding, and Ted works on his best man toast.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Okay, think you're gonna be happy with my new toast. There's nothing sexual. It's, uh, it's just the story of an important moment in your relationship.
Marshall: I'm all ears.
Ted: "Hello, everyone, I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man."
Marshall: Nice.
Ted: Right? That's great. Back when we were all freshman and Marshall and Lily were just a few short weeks into their relationship... It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'm not gonna lie, we were a wee bit wasted. We were starving. So I'd gone out to get us some snacks, and when I got back...
[flashback to Lily and Marshall laughing on the floor of their college dorm. Ted returns with snacks, but Lily is looking away from the door when Marshall says this:]
Marshall: [to Ted] I love you.
Lily: I love you, too. I know it's soon to say it, but I'm so glad you did.
Marshall: Yeah. [Ted leaves the room]

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Quote from Marshall

Marshall: So here's what you want to talk about in front of my entire family: drinking, having a girl in my room, eating junk food.
Ted: Dude, you're almost 30. Your mom would be mad at you for eating junk food?
Marshall: Yeah, Ted, 'cause nutrition's not important. Also, Lily's never heard that story before. How's she going to react when she finds out the first time I said "I love you" to her, I was actually saying it to you and a bag of Funyuns.
Ted: But who cares? You did love her. And you still do. And you're totally over Funyuns, so it's not weird.

Quote from Ted

Marshall: Hey, Lil.
Lily: Hey.
Ted: Hey? That's it?
Marshall: What are you talking about?
Ted: Well, you guys have been spending the last few nights apart. I figured there'd be a lot of giggling, crying, jumping up and down, and then whatever Lily would do

Quote from Barney

[a montage of flashbacks to Barney talking to Bob Barker on the TV: ]
Young Barney: Look, Dad, I got straight A's!
Young Barney: Hey, Dad, guess who I'm going as for Halloween?
Young Barney: Want to play some catch, Pop?

Quote from Robin

Robin: [slaps Marshall's hand] Drop the popper! Lily has to gain five pounds in a week and a half, and it is my job to help her get there.
Lily: This is the best wedding diet ever.
[later:]
Lily: I lost a pound.
Robin: That is impossible. You ate McDonald's every meal for three days.
Lily: I knew that Super Size Me guy was full of it.
Robin: Well, it must be the wedding stress. We just got to up the intake. Lily Aldrin, drop and give me 20 bites of fudge! Okay? Don't nibble at it. Attack it! Come on, Lily. You can do better than that!
Lily: I can't.
Robin: Well, eat faster, before your body figures out it's full.
Lily: I'm trying.
Robin: Oh, are you gonna cry? You gonna cry? Skinny little baby's gonna cry? Well, eat, damn it, eat!
Lily: Okay!

Quote from Ted

Marshall: That's the worst toast I've ever heard, dude. It's totally boring.
Ted: Exactly. It's impossible to write a good toast with you censoring me, man. I give up. I'm just going to read that thing about Jesus and the footprints.
Lily: I give up, too. I don't care if my dress doesn't fit. I can't eat anymore. I-I feel like my stomach's going to explode.
Marshall: I know.
[two weeks later:]
Ted: And so, Lily and I were both about to give up, but as you can all see, Lily does look beautiful in that dress, and here I am giving a toast. You know, all this time, I'd been wracking my brain trying to pick out the perfect moment to capture Lily and Marshall as a couple. But then I realized the perfect moment wasn't some needle lost in the haystack of their ten years together. The perfect Lily and Marshall moment happened two nights ago.

Quote from Barney

Bob Barker: Here is the next item up for bid!
Rich Fields: [v.o.] Bob, the stylish his-and-her watches feature an 18k gold bezel and crown and stainless steel bands.
Bob Barker: And Barney, what do you bid on that?
Barney: Um... [to the audience] Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Retail price is $1,349.99, so, since you round off, I'll say $1,350, Bob.
Bob Barker: $1,350 for Barney.
[back in the apartment:]
Lily: So, was it $1,350?
Barney: I don't know. Was it? [takes out the his & hers watches]
Lily: Oh, my God.
Barney: Happy wedding.

Quote from Barney

Bob Barker: Barney, you won that camcorder in just one second! That is impressive. I mean impressive.
Barney: Thank you, Bob.
Bob Barker: Now, to win the computer, you're going to have to bid again, and again I will say higher or lower. And let's show the audience the price of the computer, and audience, please, do not try to help us. And the clock will start with your first bid.
Barney: $1 billion.
Bob Barker: Lower.
Barney: So, I brought some photos that I thought you might like to see. This is me on my first birthday.
Bob Barker: Yes, Barney. This is...

Quote from Barney

Bob Barker: That's very nice, but look, the clock is moving. You have only about 16 seconds. Keep bidding.
Barney: No, no, I want you to see this. This is great.
Bob Barker: Keep bidding.
Barney: This is me at my graduation. I know, the hair.
Bob Barker: That, no, that's nice. That's nice. You have only five, four, three, two, one...
Barney: $999.
Bob Barker: Nine... Barney, you got it exactly right!
[back in the apartment:]
Barney: Happy wedding again! [hands them a camcorder and a computer]

Quote from Barney

Barney: I have to be honest, Bob. The big wheel is the only weak part of my game.
Bob Barker: I'm sure you'll do just fine, son.
Barney: Did you just... I'm ready, Bob.
Bob Barker: Do it! Do it! Here we go! He's looking for the dollar. It's going around, and around...
[back in the apartment:]
Ted: Oh, no, you spun it too hard.
Robin: No, he didn't spin it hard enough.
[on TV:]
Bob Barker: Here it comes, Barney. You got it! You won... But Barney, you're not through. Barney, you're not through. You've won $1,000. You've won a place in the showcase. You are doing splendidly so far.
Barney: Thank you, would you, would you say you're proud of me?
Bob Barker: Sure.
[Barney chokes up]

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